Some people like pain with pleasure — we call them Alfa Romeo owners. Others like their automotive experience to be as serene as an Ansel Adams print. For those, Nice Price or Crack Pipe suggests taking 1980 milligrams of Cressida.
The loathing and rabble rousing ran fast and thick yesterday for the hack-job 6.9 Mercedes, and in the end, it gained a 66% Crack Pipe vote for the loss of its roof and donktastic rims. That Benz would have looked right at home at the SEMA show, which is being held this week in Las Vegas. In fact, it's over the top orgy of chrome and toplessness could be slipped onto the floor today without anyone questioning its pedigree. SEMA is full of wretched excess as accessory makers pile on every oversized wheel, 10,000 watt stereo and metallic-goldfish fade paint job their demo vehicles can handle. Jalopnik is your prime source for all things weird and wonderful from the SEMA show, but you may go into overload with all the Scion-aminos and soulless-eyed Lingenfelter Trans-Am homages. So, as a public service - sort of an aperitif from the high-calorie SEMA gorging - we bring you. . . a 1980 Toyota Cressida.
The Cressida has made the rounds on NPOCP previously, and even Murillee's obsessive documenting of all things patina'd has brought us a number of Toyota's flagship from later in the Reagan era, but the first-gens have been few and far between. This 1980 Cressida comes with 85,000 miles on the odo, and its original engine. That engine is the 4M-E SOHC six, which sports one of Toyota's first attempts at FI in a U.S. model. Backing that is their rock-stock reliable 4-speed overdrive auto box to help keep things calm, and yes, wrapping that all up is a body that brings the brown. You can't get much more soothing than brown. Add to that the killer find of an 8-track tape player so you can whip out those vintage Larry Welk tapes and you're going to be on Golden Pond with this one. And like Frankie, that beige vinyl roof says relax.
And what does this rolling Ambien cost, you ask? Why, it's priced at a sane and sensible $3,250. For that, you'll be getting the ultimate in stealth- why even the Highway Patrol following you would nod-off before lighting you up for speeding after a few miles. Have a hyperactive child? $3,250 is a lot cheaper than pumping him full of Ritalin- just lock him in the back seat and let him wind down in the crushed velour upholstery, cosseted by the fold-down armrest. This is the perfect car for those who are wound too tight as it come from an age before "Cup Holder" entered the OED, and will, as such, limit you to the amount of coffee you are willing to carry wedged between your legs- hence curtailing your intake of caffeine and sugar. Do you have a dog that's too rambunctious, and is always chewing up your shoes and collection of "Classic Hustlers"? This would be the perfect car to run him over with! Why, just having this car parked in your driveway would mean overcoming those weeks of insufferable insomnia caused by the newlyweds next door and their apparent aversion to window coverings.
So, what say you regarding this 1980 Cressida and its $3,250 price tag? Does that get you dreaming of a Nice Price? Or, is that like getting awakened by a cold splash of water to the face, and a swift kick to the nuts?
Props to Dealkiller for the tip!
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