Yesterday, the lumberjack-loving gals at The Globe and Mail put together a list of cars that'd help ladies pick up men. Lame. Here's ten cars that definitely won't enhance your milkshake's ability to bring boys to the yard.
Are you a single woman looking for Mr. Right? Forget online dating, the awkward blind date, or scouring the grocery-store aisles for single guys. There's an untapped resource right at your fingertips – your car.
But if we're to believe them the right car will snag you a winner, the wrong car could make you a loser and here's the ten to avoid. Girl power!
Car: Chevy Cobalt Coupe
What it says about you: Your boyfriend forces you to cook meth.
Why men don't like that: Meth dealers have guns and rampant paranoia.
Car: Chrysler Town and Country
What it says about you: You're ready to give birth.
Why men don't like that: Nothing is more frightening to a man than the prospect of fathering children.
Car: 2010 Acura RDX
What is says about you: The ugliest car on sale does not make a good first impression.
Why men don't like that: Men are shallow.
Car: Lexus HS250h
What is says about you: Only managing 35 MPG combined and costing $34,200, the little Lexus hybrid says gullible, eco-freak and boring in equal measures.
Why men don't like that: Think of one of Hillary Clinton's pant suits. This is the automotive equivalent.
Car: Toyota Camry
What it says about you: It won't have a chance to say anything about you, it's so boring that it will literally make you invisible.
Why men don't like that: Men like cars, not beige.
Car: Ford Mustang V6 Convertible
What it says about you: that in addition to cheerleading, you think blowies are a competitive sport.
Why men don't like that: While the prospect of easy sex will initially attract most men, the Herpes breakout will ultimately prove a turnoff.
Car: Chrysler PT Cruiser
What is says about you: That you eat dinner at 5pm and have a closet full of orthopedic shoes.
Why men don't like that: men prefer women that use pantyhose as a way to make their legs look tan, not as a medical aid.
Car: VW Beetle
What it says about you: not only do you have a bedroom full of stuffed animals, but if you were to bring a man home, you'd hold conversations with him in their voices.
Why men don't like that: they think you'll murder them in their sleep if they accidently push Mr. Nibbles off the bed.
Car: Subaru Outback
What it says about you: that you wear Birkenstocks, baggy cargo shorts and fantasize about Rossie O'Donnell
Why men don't like that: men like women who shave their legs.
Car: Hummer H2
What it says about you: that you consider Ron Jeremy and Peter North "colleagues."
Why men don't like that: Oh they like that, it's just that their computer screens are too small to show all the stretch marks and surgery scars.