After a long and very offline journey, the Crazy Euro Car Boy is back from the 2009 Goodwood Festival Of Speed. To whet the appetite for the coming days of petrolhead madness, here's a primer on what it was like.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Ferrari Breadvan

I had suspected it, but seeing it in motion proved once and for all that the Breadvan is perhaps the coolest racing car ever. More on this later.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Very Old Bugatti

It was a great moment in car design when they decided to place controls on the inside.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

1928 Morgan Super Aero

Engine out in front, a single driven wheel in the rear. Not very exciting, it is?

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Bugatti hood

A Bugatti not blue enough gets a helpful bouquet.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

1938 Hispano-Suiza H6C Saoutchik Xenia Coupé

The ultimate in the style also known as Art Deco Pimped.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Al Unser

Earlier on the course, he had to negotiate a right turn. Several right turns, in fact.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

John Player Special Cigarettes

God I hate the Brits. Even their trash is stylish and appropriate.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Porsche 917/30

It’s the Turbopanzer! This is the ultimate, 1500 HP version of the 40-year-old 917, as driven by Mark Donohue in CanAm. It’s a huge, garish monster.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Brawn GP BGP-001

This is where Jenson Button and Rubens Barrichello work.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Motor Sport Can Be Dangerous

Straw? Magnesium? Racing fuel? I see the point.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Dodge Ram SRT-10

Overused it may be, there is simply no way to avoid the caption “America, Fuck Yeah” with this gargantuan SRT-10 lurking on the Earl of March’s fields.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Red Bull Body Panel

What would motorsport be without duct tape?

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Alfa Romeo P2

For added authenticity, this late 1920s Alfa Romeo race car does what Alfa Romeos are supposed to do: it leaks its oil.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport

For your one gazillion dollars, you lose the roof but gain the Stig’s head.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Sir Jackie Stewart

Yes, he is super funny.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Damon Hill

He’s just about finished with signing autographs.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Man Fixing Car

I was wearing red trousers as well but didn’t at any point find myself under a Talbot Lago. How peculiar.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Dirty Slicks

This is how sticky slick tires are. They pick up pretty much everything from the track surface.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Maserati 250F

Like every old racing car, remarkably small. And very beautiful.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Jay Leno

Another first-timer at Goodwood. Seemed to enjoy himself. Drove a racing McLaren F1 up the hill. As I did not, I suppose it’s not the best way whether you’re a first-timer at Goodwood or not.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Abarth 205 Monza

Kids just adore ultra-tiny racecars.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

1966 Ferrari F1 Car

They were inferior to the Loti of the time but have you seen a prettier exhaust system this side of the Gurney Eagle’s?

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

#3

Very much not a typical part of the Essex countryside.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Mercedes-Benz W196

Why is it cooler than the Breadvan? Because it won races in a massive way. And because Stirling Moss drove one.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

David Piper’s Porsche 917

What a wonderful man. Forty years after losing his leg while filming Le Mans, he’s still driving his own 917.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

1937 Auto Union Type C Streamliner

Bernd Rosemeyer drove this thing at 250 MPH. In late 1937. On the public road. Its successor would kill him.

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Tesla Roadster

Have you ever wondered what all the batteries look like? Wonder no more!

Goodwood Festival of Speed: A Teaser GalleryS

Caparo T1 Exhaust

It’s very hard to get bored by the way titanium pick up rainbow hues when used as an exhaust pipe.