After a long and very offline journey, the Crazy Euro Car Boy is back from the 2009 Goodwood Festival Of Speed. To whet the appetite for the coming days of petrolhead madness, here's a primer on what it was like.

Ferrari Breadvan

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I had suspected it, but seeing it in motion proved once and for all that the Breadvan is perhaps the coolest racing car ever. More on this later.

Very Old Bugatti

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It was a great moment in car design when they decided to place controls on the inside.

1928 Morgan Super Aero

Engine out in front, a single driven wheel in the rear. Not very exciting, it is?

Bugatti hood

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A Bugatti not blue enough gets a helpful bouquet.

1938 Hispano-Suiza H6C Saoutchik Xenia Coupé

The ultimate in the style also known as Art Deco Pimped.

Al Unser

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Earlier on the course, he had to negotiate a right turn. Several right turns, in fact.

John Player Special Cigarettes

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God I hate the Brits. Even their trash is stylish and appropriate.

Porsche 917/30

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It’s the Turbopanzer! This is the ultimate, 1500 HP version of the 40-year-old 917, as driven by Mark Donohue in CanAm. It’s a huge, garish monster.

Brawn GP BGP-001

This is where Jenson Button and Rubens Barrichello work.

Motor Sport Can Be Dangerous

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Straw? Magnesium? Racing fuel? I see the point.

Dodge Ram SRT-10

Overused it may be, there is simply no way to avoid the caption “America, Fuck Yeah” with this gargantuan SRT-10 lurking on the Earl of March’s fields.

Red Bull Body Panel

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What would motorsport be without duct tape?

Alfa Romeo P2

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For added authenticity, this late 1920s Alfa Romeo race car does what Alfa Romeos are supposed to do: it leaks its oil.

Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport

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For your one gazillion dollars, you lose the roof but gain the Stig’s head.

Sir Jackie Stewart

Yes, he is super funny.

Damon Hill

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He’s just about finished with signing autographs.

Man Fixing Car

I was wearing red trousers as well but didn’t at any point find myself under a Talbot Lago. How peculiar.

Dirty Slicks

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This is how sticky slick tires are. They pick up pretty much everything from the track surface.

Maserati 250F

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Like every old racing car, remarkably small. And very beautiful.

Jay Leno

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Another first-timer at Goodwood. Seemed to enjoy himself. Drove a racing McLaren F1 up the hill. As I did not, I suppose it’s not the best way whether you’re a first-timer at Goodwood or not.

Abarth 205 Monza

Kids just adore ultra-tiny racecars.

1966 Ferrari F1 Car

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They were inferior to the Loti of the time but have you seen a prettier exhaust system this side of the Gurney Eagle’s?

#3

Very much not a typical part of the Essex countryside.

Mercedes-Benz W196

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Why is it cooler than the Breadvan? Because it won races in a massive way. And because Stirling Moss drove one.

David Piper’s Porsche 917

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What a wonderful man. Forty years after losing his leg while filming Le Mans, he’s still driving his own 917.

1937 Auto Union Type C Streamliner

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Bernd Rosemeyer drove this thing at 250 MPH. In late 1937. On the public road. Its successor would kill him.

Tesla Roadster

Have you ever wondered what all the batteries look like? Wonder no more!

Caparo T1 Exhaust

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It’s very hard to get bored by the way titanium pick up rainbow hues when used as an exhaust pipe.