Personalized LeMons Penalties: The Troy

We have a lot of standardized punishments for on-track miscreants in the LeMons Penalty Box, but sometimes we custom-tailor something for a really special driver or team.

The gentleman with duct-tape over his yap is the legendary Troy. Troy is the captain of a team that runs a cheating ass very spirited '72 Datsun 240Z, and this is the third race in which we've had the pleasure of his company. Troy has many, many suggestions for LeMons officials, which he delivers in lengthy in-person tirades (when we're at a race) as well as in lengthy email missives (when we're back in California). Yesterday, LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman, after listening to a 25-minute Troy Diatribe™ concerning some angels-dancing-on-head-of-pin interpretation of an arcane LeMons equipment rule, happened to spot a roll of duct tape in his peripheral vision, and that's all it took. Within 30 seconds, Troy had his mouth duct-taped shut and was composing the text of the 19-paragraph email we knew he'd been planning to send to Jay Lamm about the legitimacy of his "$500 race car." In Sharpie. On the hood of his car.

Personalized LeMons Penalties: The Troy

We've also started painting this slogan on BMWs that speed in the pits. Shockingly, the most likely LeMons car to blast through the paddock at high speed, usually in the wrong direction, is the BMW E30. Yeah, we have a hard time believing it, too.