ExxonMobil has announced third-quarter profits of $14.83 billion, the largest profit ever recorded in US history. That number is up from the company's last record profit — in the second quarter — of only $11.68 billion. Let's put this into perspective; ExxonMobil could buy every Ferrari Enzo ever built, every 38 hours, and they'd still be profitable. Obviously this means additional tax incentives are needed to hasten oil exploration off the coastal shelf, to develop oil shale fields that'll be useless when a barrel of crude costs less than a movie ticket, and to create techniques to mine the souls of treehuggers for industrial uses. [CNN Money]

Send an email to Ben, the author of this post, at ben@jalopnik.com.