We're a couple hours into the race now, and I can't tell you who's winning. That's because I've been so busy punishing miscreants for lousy driving. We've already dished out the Ozzy Osbourne Inertia Penalty Horn and Billy Gibbons punishments (more on those later). Meanwhile, as the penalty box fills up, the pits are abuzz with the sound of Sawzalls and aclank with the sound of wrenches; so far two Hondas are gone (the Reefermobile blew the head gasket and the Altamont-vet CRX threw a rod), plus we've got an assortment of bad BMW computers, overheating Detroit V8s, lunched Supra oil pumps, and so on. The guys with the really scary Baja Bug has their clutch disintegrate about two laps into the race, which took out the bearing and pressure plate, and now they're running up to Houston for fresh VW parts. We'd really like to see how this fine swingaxle machine performs out there, so let's hope they get it back together soon!

Send an email to Murilee Martin, the author of this post, at murilee@jalopnik.com.