SWelcome to Project Car Hell, where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! Last time we stepped into the garage in which the gentleman with the pitchfork conducts his business, the choice had to be made between two 1973 PCH Superpower machines, one Italian and one British. Only one car can win, and this time Italy triumphs, with the $2,500 Pantera beating the Lotus Elite, with 70% of the votes. Today we're going with a topic that's been on everyone's mind lately: what will you drive after the Fianciapocalypse? The vehicular options readers suggested were sound, but, in my opinion, the best way to ride out hard times is to become the unquestioned leader of a powerful religio-militaro-pharmaceutical cult, complete with desert compound and "soldiers" on dune buggies… and for that, you must drive a car whose mere presence shouts "Warlord Prophet approaching!" For that, only vintage British luxury will do, and you're in luck: here in the early stages of the Downward Spiral-O-Civilization™, you can get great deals on Rolls-Royces and Bentleys!
Why did Bhagwan Rajneesh have a fleet of 93 Rolls-Royces? I'll tell you why- the Rolls-Royce is the cult leader car! Look at David Koresh; much as we approve of the idea of a '69 Camaro sporting gold-plated valve covers embossed with "GO GO GOD 427," we all know things didn't work out so well for Mr. Koresh; anyway, you'd find rival cult leaders siphoning away your followers if you rolled in a lowly Chevy. Yes, when the rocks are melting and the hordes of hunger-maddened refugees flee the burning cities in search of canned goods and possum innards, you'll need unquestioning obedience from your holy warriors if you expect to live in luxury with your harem and treasure room… and that means you'd better get that Rolls now, while you can still find parts! We suggest this 1964 Rolls-Royce limousine, which is already located in a desert region suitable for your Holy Fortress and comes with a price tag of just $3,500. It needs an engine, which gives you the opportunity to install a big diesel powerplant. Why diesel? Well, that way you'll be able to fuel it on the fat rendered from the corpses of your rivals, which makes an impressive statement in addition to being an eco-friendly solution to cadaver disposal.
In the post-postmodern post-apocalyptic world, don't you think that the old rules for cult leaders might be irrelevant? The irony-steeped young men and women who will form your warrior brigades might well snort in derision at a Rolls-Royce, and then you'd have a big discipline problem just as the Kalashnikov-toting legions from the Beelzebub's Bastards gang roll up to your compound and start catapulting the corpses of cholera victims over the walls. You don't need that hassle, do you? But, as the all-powerful Top Honcho For Life, you still need British luxury, which is why this '56 Bentley S-1 is the car for you. As with the Rolls, its engine is trouble-free- in fact, the car is engine-free- so you'll have that much less work to do when it comes time to install that human-flesh-burning diesel. The car's description includes the cryptic statement "It is indoors so weather and darkness will not be an issue," which could form the basis of your soon-to-be-legendary "Weather And Darkness Will Not Be An Issue" speech, the one that inspires your army to bring you back a record-breaking number of trophy heads, a few dozen of which you'll be able to display on the cast-iron spikes you can mount on this car's bodywork for just that purpose.