50 Cent, rapper, artist, video gamesman, and someone with the business savvy and acumen to top Donald Trump, has declared bankruptcy. We’ve already learned much from it, such as that he didn’t really own a Lamborghini. But we did just learn something incredible – he owns a Suzuki Kizashi. A Suzuki Kizashi SPORT.

Oh yeah, the sport model. That’s how you know he was once, and still is, at the top of the game. Don’t know why the Suzuki Kizashi is so awesome? GOOD. All you need to know right now is that we think he may not have actually bought it with his own (maybe non-existent?) funds, but he might just have it for being featured in this 2012 Super Bowl commercial:

Can’t watch the commercial, because you work at a real job and thus can’t be watching commercials for cars made by companies that are dead here? That’s fine, it’s pretty much this, I’m sure:

Yep, definitely that.

50, born Curtis Jackson III, says he owns seven vehicles worth $500,618, according to the Hartford Courant, but I’m tempted to call shenanigans on just that claim of value. The seven cars include a 2010 Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead, three Chevrolet Suburbans (because why have just two), a 2008 Dodge Sprinter, some sort of 1966 Chevy coupe, and, of course, the aforementioned Suzuki Kizashi.

Ahem, excuse me. Suzuki Kizashi SPORT.

Now I’m not an expert on vehicle depreciation, but the asking price for this particular 2010 Rolls drophead is $249,995, and that seems a bit steep for a used car, which only the plebs buy. But! Given the benefit of the doubt, let’s say that 50’s Rolls-Royce is indeed worth $250,000, we just need to find another $250,000 somewhere. This particularly prime 2012 Suzuki Kizashi SPORT is asking for $11,973, and the remaining classic Chevy, the Suburbans, and the Sprinter all need to average $59,506.75, each.

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Since 50 apparently has posted no photos of his actual cars on his Instagram, let’s assume they’re all base, bone-standard models with regular wear and tear, and all of them a couple years old. The classic Chevy could be worth a pretty penny, depending on what car it is, whether it’s been modified, and if it’s collectible. But as I haven’t yet been able to find anything about his Suburbans and Sprinter, I’m not sure how nice they can really be.

Wait.

No.

No no no no no.

I’m thinking about this all wrong. The Kizashi is where the money is. You know how much people are paying for Kizashis these days??????

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BILLION$$$$$$$. (That’s billions, but with, like, a bunch of money signs, because it’s money.)

I think.

H/t to Eddie!

Photo credit: Getty Images, though we also threw the Kizashi in there


Contact the author at ballaban@jalopnik.com.
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