Project Car Hell, 1961 Edition: Simca Aronde Or Pair-O-Lincolns?

The Cressida took the win over the Maxima in our Rear-Drive Japanese Sedan Hoonage Edition poll on Wednesday, though not by a decisive margin. Perhaps that's because the Cressida and Maxima are so similar to each other, but we're not going to have that issue today! 57Sweptside has found some hell projects that, while cool, don't have much more in common than the year of manufacture; 57Sweptside gets a coveted PCH Tipster T-shirt for his role in filling some lucky soul's garage with eternal damnation happiness!


In 1961, Dwight D. Eisenhower popularized the term "Military-Industrial Complex" in his farewell address, but what about the Rust-Missing Parts Complex that dominates your typical 1961 Hell Project? You'll have an even more tenuous connection to your sanity than Eisenhower does to Project Car Hell when you peel off 45 Benjamins to obtain this pair of 1961 Lincoln Continental convertibles. Some of you quitters might take one look at those photos and figure there's no way in hell anyone could ever make even one nice car out of those heaps, but that's like looking at the plans for the Bay Of Pigs invasion and saying it could never work! What if Ike had done that? The seller claims these two '61s are "90 to 100% complete," and that each car has "low original mileage." You see? Easy! At most you'll be chasing down 10% of the parts that make up an automobile, and how hard could that be? You could make one car and use the other for parts, or go for broke- literally- and restore them both.

Is it fair to make anything American- even a two-for-one deal- face off against a French car in a Choose Your Eternity challenge? Maybe not, but we're going to give Detroit a shot at a stunning upset over the perennial PCH Champeen today; just imagine that Project Car Hell trophy sitting in the lobby of Ford's HQ... in a mound of kitty litter, to catch all the leaking oil and rust flakes. We're not making it easy for Dearborn, however, because we've got this '61 Simca Aronde, with a what-the-hell price of just $650. Look at that fine French machine and try to tell us you wouldn't feel like a million francs driving it down the boulevard after a full restoration and/or customization. The latter approach might be best, since it already comes with an unnamed Datsun engine. We're sure that engine will work just fine, because the seller wants us to know it "is supposed to be a good one." It might be absolutely impossible somewhat challenging to get all the glass you'll need, because "Some of of the windows are good," but the contacts you'll cultivate in France while searching for a windshield will come in quite handy when it comes time to locate all the missing trim pieces.

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