Seriously, this is an actual press release out of Dearborn today. Yes, the same day Ford revealed the Ford F-150 lost the crown of America's best-selling vehicle to the Honda Civic as well as a 16% decline in vehicular sales, the company has issued a release claiming boldly "Ford delivers customers trucks they want and need." The customers apparently want and need them so badly that Ford, like a cheater who's been caught and finds themselves desperately bargaining with their jilted spouse to entice them to stay, will begin offering employee pricing on all F-series truck purchases or leases during the month of June. We can already see it now:

Please baby, don't go! I love you — I know you need me! Please! I can change!

Send an email to Ray Wert, the author of this post, at ray@jalopnik.com.