Project Car Hell: 1961 BMW 700 or Three 1955 Austin FX3 TaxisS

The $10,000 Acura NSX ran away with 62% of the votes in Friday's Choose Your Eternity poll, though the Corvette put in a good showing (and it's unfortunate that the late-in-day timing of PCH made it impossible to give Graverobber Commenter of the Day recognition for this methtastic Inland Empire tale, because he totally deserved it). Today we're going to look at some projects that, if by some miracle you ever managed to get finished, would give you the highly coveted "weirdest car in town" status that true Hell Project aficionados seek. There's no common theme, other than misery obscurity and slippery slope leading straight to the abyss low price of admission, so let's see how a single Bavarian stacks up against a threesome of Brits!


Between the Isetta and the 1500 came BMW's 700, which still had an Isetta-style tiny motorcycle engine in the rear but was shaped more like a normal "three boxes" car. You don't see them around much, since they didn't sell in huge numbers over here (and turned into vaguely automobile-shaped reddish-brown stains on the ground after a few European winters back in the old country). Get one running and looking pretty decent and you're virtually guaranteed to have bragging rights whenever you run into some chest-thumping 2002 owners. All you need is a starting point, and we've got just the car: this '61 BMW 700 (go here if the ad disappears) for only five hundred bucks. It's located in dry southern Colorado, so maybe it's not hopelessly rusted, and- get this- it "was parked running" (how long ago it was parked isn't stated, but we suspect that Richard Nixon was still in office at the time). It needs some body work (which won't be so bad, provided you don't have to find any body parts or trim pieces) and some glass (which will might be absolutely impossible challenging, but perhaps you'll find a kindly old BMW mechanic in Germany who will sell you some of his stash of NOS glass at totally reasonable prices). And hey, you should be able to get engine parts from old BMW motorcycles!

How can you not love the concept of the Instant Junkyard when you're looking to start a Hell Project? You buy several cars at once, pick the one that's slightly less hopeless in better shape than the others, and make one nice project. Meanwhile, your neighbors will be gearing up to lock you in the trunk of one of your parts cars with several angry gila monsters, because it's a truism of Project Car Hell that neighbors are never understanding about half-gutted heaps in your driveway lowering their property values... but the best projects always require total loss of sanity a few sacrifices. And when you see this 3-fer-1 deal on 1955 Austin FX3 taxis (go here if the ad disappears), you'll be willing to make any sacrifice to get these British beauties into your life. In one of those short car-ad statements that tells a long, sad story, these cars "were to be used for a movie, but the deal fell thru," we learn that these cabs have already ruined at least one life... but that won't happen to you! No, you'll have one, two, or maybe all three of these super-rare machines driving in no time! Do they run? How complete are they? We can't tell you, but the seller says all of them roll. What more do you need? Imagine making three small-block-Chevy-powered right-hand-drive British hoonwagons!

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