Needs more Whitworth.

My god! It's full of tools!

photoshopped

heavenly bliss.... at a cost of one billion dollars

If it had a big ass Craftsman tool box for them I'd be needing a new pair of shorts.

so this picture loaded and while I stared, cars started appearing piece by piece in my living room... WTF!!! so i scrolled down... anyone want a freshly built PCH contender? It was built by teh internets!

That's a lot of doohickeys.

1. I don't need 5 hammers
2. I don't need 7 monkey wrenches
3. I don't need 8 different kinds of multi-grip pliers.
As for the rest, I think we could use all of that stuff where I work. We are so short of tools, its really quite funny.

[homervoice]mmmm... tools....[/homervoice]

And it's even got a timing light too!

If it ships with a missing socket, can you get a refund too?

When Dave discovered he could build a new Pinto for $33,000 in parts, he ran out and bought a tool kit in preparation for the job.

And he still couldn't time it.

@karmakid:
"ONE BEEELYON DOLLARS!" actually its probably more like "FORTY-SEVEN MEEEELYON DOLLARS" -Ren the Chihuahua

@vr6juan: Maybe. But that appears to be a catalog image from Sears.

Also looks like my Garage in KY.

"Newlywed Belinda, casting a sureptitious glance over her husband Dirk's shoulder as he was surfing the web, suddenly realized with a suppressed shudder exactly why her Victoria's Secret teddy ensemble didn't seem to make much of an impact...

"The image of all the tools made it obvious to her that Dirk was more into Autoeroticism... She went to bed sobbing, clutching her Jack Rabbit vibrator, and resolved to call her attorney first thing in the morning to seek an anulment on the grounds of fraud and deception..."

Hey, it even comes with a purple Fleshlight!

Roughly analogous to a large group of BMW X6 owners but far more useful.

@hittatree_p: " Hey, it even comes with a purple Fleshlight!"

Wow, nothing like a tool set that lets you "work on" your most enjoyable tool as well... What lube is provided? 3-in-1 Oil...?

Mister Jalopy scoffs at this.

Any guy who says that he doesn't need every single one of these tools is not a real man.

Where's the duct tape?

@cgarison: attempted humor using standard interweb response

slow day at the shop?

...and you'll still need to buy a tamper-proof torx set for Harbor Freight.

14 ratchets? Yeah, I need 14 ratchets.

Only one impact wrench? Cheap bastards. There better be a valve spring compressor in the back there...I think I spotted a MityVac though, that's cool.

It is a Craftsman 1470 pc. Professional Tool Set from Sears for $8600. Linked from Uncrate.com.
[www.sears.com]

Ewwwww! It looks like Ironman threw up in here!

Giggity!

@charles_barrett: "The receipt for his new Stud Puller was all the evidence she would need."

"...and in the end, the tools are yours to keep. Now I can't call you."

it's not Snap-on

+tool stiffy goes flaccid+

But it's got 2 pickle forks! And 5 breaker bars! And a jillion screwdrivers! Holy cow, that is overkill.

reminds me of main street in Huntington beach...

@cgarison: "... looks like my Garage in KY."

Trying to keep it from rusting?

"But Honey, I can fix anything with these - and they're guaranteed for life!

@al_beaton: "The receipt for his new Stud Puller was all the evidence she would need."

"Dirk fought for, and won, possession of his prized purple Fleshlight in the final annulment settlement. He and his local Snap-On™ tool salesman, Steed Van Studmeister, celebrated with an extended business trip to West Hollywood, California, where they made extensive audits of the local... uh... vendors in the services sector of the local economy..."

@saeble: ditto

"...while Belinda's acquisition of a hydraulic nut splitter was enough to persuade the judge to grant him a restraining order."

@clinto: @saeble:

Not to be a prick but have you ever broken a Craftsman hand tool? and if you are talking about tools being within close tollerance to spec then why arn't we talking about Proto?

@Alphamazing: A great quote from a friend of mine: "How can you call yourself a man if you don't own at least your own weight in tools?"
Air compressors and lawn mowers can be included in the total weight.

If you own a Fiat X1/9 or Triumph Spitfire, then you have just seen your starter tool kit. Don't forget the duct tape.

Cool! Someone took a picture of the tools I've managed to lose in about 28 years of wrenching.

I want 'em back....

Though I don't see a picture of my current favorite, which I mistakenly left in a Vegas junkyard...a 10" Stanley adjustable crescent wrench which has a locking device on it to snug the jaws to the flats. It's way bitchin'. Like a Vice-Grip & adjustable wrench mated, and this is the smart mutant offspring.

Thankfully, there's Ebay, where patience can literally pay off, so the lost one has a replacement.

@saeble: EXACTLY....

@Gram's Caddy:
1. I don't need 5 hammers
Any good toolbox will have far more than 5 hammers. 5 ball pein hammers is probably about right. Then there are the bigger ones for hitting recalcitrant stuff hard. Never mind the ridiculous number a panel beater might have...
You know, the Universe is built of vibrations. Everything has its own resonance, so it follows from this that in order to persuade anything to behave itself, you have to match its resonance, and you do so by hitting it with a suitably sized hammer.
5 is nowhere near enough when it comes to hammers.

2. I don't need 7 monkey wrenches I assume you mean the adjustable spanners at the front right of the picture. In the UK we call them shifting spanners. Monkey wrenches is what we call stilson pipe wrenches.
Tool names aside, I agree with you though. Real Mechanics do not need these things, since they have (several) spanners that will fit whatever sized nut is being contemplated. All one of these things will do is increase the likelihood of damaging the nut through not being adjusted correctly. That said, they can be incredibly useful on occasion, so every toolbox should have some, for those odd occasions when nothing else will do. They are just not suitable for everyday use. My own personal ones are all made by Bahco.
As to the rest of the selection. A total of 6 files, including 3 needle files. Is that all? Where are the round, square, triangular ones. If you do anything more than unbolting old dead stuff and replacing with new stuff, and actually need to use files, you will end up with way more than 6.
Sigh. Tool porn. Love it.
You simply cannot have too many tools.
Especially screwdrivers.
And hammers.
And files.
Oh yes. In South Africa the Afrikaans name for a stilson translates as Baboon Spanner.

First, not Snap-On

Second, no Air tools... How do you call a tool set "Professional" if it doesn't include air tools? Go into any garage, manufacturing facility, wrecker, etc, you will find air tools.

Third, no "tamper resistant" tools... if I buy a tool set this big I want to be able to take anything apart. Where's my safety Torx, where's the split flathead thing, or the triangular bit.

@A3rd.Zero:

What's funny is, I have broken probably ten different ones (a few screwdrirvers, a couple of sockets, both a 1/4 and a 1/2 inch ratchet), but I was using them either in capacities the engineers NEVER thought of, or with horribly excessive force.

I have a couple of Snap-On pieces, but they cost to much, in all honesty, given how above-average the Craftsman stuff is.

If I won the lottery, just pull the Snap-On semi up to my new 15 bay garage with three pits and two lifts, and start unloading...

@cgarison: Never trust a mechanic with clean tools

@X-Zambian: I was doing some translation of Japanese manuals and adjustable wrench came out of the online translation program as "Monkey Spanner".

I always wanted to be the guy who spent days/weeks/months to get the visuals JUST right on these arrangements. Maybe that's just the OCD in me...

Based on that I can safely gain another ton or so and still call myself a man. A big fat tub of goo man, but a man nonetheless...

@Kelly: All I want is an old garage with a hydraulic lift, the little stuff is like decorations for the tree.

@X-Zambian: You know, there are therapies that can deal with Autism. They won't cure it, but i've heard they go a long way to making life more tolerable.
....just kidding!

honestly if i ever had bags of money i would buy something like this and a roll away.
but really why would someone need like seven crescent wrenches?
I would still buy it cuz I might lose six.

@X-Zambian: and we call them 'shifters' in Australia. But i used the 'monkey-wrench' name, for the benefit of our American friends.

one tool missing..

the 4' piece of 2" cast iron gas fitters pipe with an elbow on the end to slide over that 3/4" drive ratchets handle with the 1/2" adapter in it so you can exert enough torque to either snap the bolt or shatter the socket on those damn PCH parts that are welded by mother nature herself.

oh sure you could just torch it off.. but you spent all your damn money on shiny tools that apparently only work on fasteners that want to come apart.. nay.. these are the tools of the garage poseur.

Real garages have sockets you buy by the caseload.. made from crap steel somewhere in china.. you know your going to break them and you don't care cause they cost $5 a ton.. their sloppy tolerances also mean they fit on the bolts with added natural iron oxide protection

Chrome vandium is just another name for "cracks at 200ft-lbs and strips the edges off the nut"

I still feel like an idiot for using those grade 10 bolts I had laying around to bolt the cat onto the car.. they've been heat treated even more now and well.. sawsall blade don't touch em, glow em red hot and the 1/2 drive and the pipe won't turn them..

yea.. think the wife will mind if I bring home a new cutting torch.. that'll fix it.

I just assumed the photo was the the COTD prize for Pope Dearthair so he can put his avatar back together...

@WheatKing: And THAT'S exactly how I broke my Craftsman 22mm socket!

...metric sizes not shown.

@al_beaton: "...while Belinda's acquisition of a hydraulic nut splitter was enough to persuade the judge to grant him a restraining order."

"Meanwhile Dirk and Steed recruited a new HR manager who loved tools as much as they did (Jay Go Gomez) during their stay in WeHo, although 'her' size 15 stilettos and five-o'clock shadow gave Dirk a moment's pause... 'Well, nothing a spa treatment or two cannot cure...' thought Dirk... Besides, 'her' recommendations from Eddie Murphy's people were impeccable..."

@al_beaton: You do realize, we could build this blog thread into a best-selling novel if we were so inclined... Such is the internet. We've got Steed, Dirk, and Belinda already fleshed out... we can just roll with the rest of it...

This would be a great game as to name what isn't there. Not sure if they have a CO2 special socket (Although you may not specifically need it) and I didn't see a Torque Ratchet although it wouldn't surprise me if it was in there somewhere.

Hey, I found Waldo though.

@something_unique_and_descriptive: No air tools? That impact wrench doesn't run on good intentions. Also note the black sockets towards the rear of the shot.

So funny to hear the "not Snap-on" comments. Seriously? I've never had a time where my Craftsman tools didn't get the job done.

I'm a bigger fan of cheap tools, so you can feel free to abuse them as the situation demands. My Craftsman stuff stays in the garage and I take the El Cheapo stuff when I go offroading.

@2006Jeeptj: There are 2 torque ratchets in there.

Also missing (if we're gonna play this game)

Pipe wrench for the nut that got stripped by the socket that can't handle 5-1/2' of all the beans you can muster put against it.

Axe maul for when that fwd axle just doesn't want to come out of the bearing,

and that 5' crowbar that weighs 50# for getting that same axle to pop out of the transaxle.

Also missing the cooler..

4 rolls of electrical tape and a box of kleenex (because we all have had those cuts that just won't clot.. and dammit those rings are gonna get installed before going to get sewn up.. can't get any blood on the bearings though.. might gall them)

Can you tell i've had my fair share of beaters?