Jalopnik
Usually we try to fill this COTD slot with some obscure reference neatly (or not) tied into the day's automotive zeitgeist. Today we're going to take a brief break from that to appreciate the 250 Vintage Vehicles post, which we love as much as all of you do. Seriously, what would the morning be without a 1974 Ford Maverick or a 1981 Fiat Strada? DOTS has allowed us to give up coffee, donuts and smack in the morning.
There were a lot of congratulations in the post, but we have to hand it to the ever capable SundaySunday for not only recognizing Murilee's contribution, but also making a pretty good Detwa dig at the same time:
Great photos, Mr. Martin. Were I to do a similar project in the Detroit neighborhoods where I drive, the title would need to be changed. "Rust Wars" perhaps?While Ray is doing whatever we're going to take this opportunity to make a few more jokes about the big D.Features would be something like: "Chevy Corsica Poll: Running or Dead?" And the 'Scort of the Week.
Yah, generally speaking, it would suck. Fortunately we have your finds to ogle over. Keep up the good work.
Comments
The Corsica is dead, unless it's owned by someone retired. And if it exists, I vote for the Escort which still has a functioning rear defogger switch.
We have quite a lot of rustbucket old GM cars here in Wisconsin, all of which I loathe.
Around here, Toyotas and Hondas have the good graces to quietly putter along until their owners get sick of how nasty they are to drive.
GM cars, on the other hand, tend to be loaded up with K-Mart deluxe 18" rims and cheap subwoofers which are all too audible through the massive rust-holes in the chassis.
I think one of the greatest jokes that could be applied to Detroit is Monty Python's Norwegian Blue Parrot skit.
+ Watch video
Its resting!
Oooh, poking fun at Big D Car Photo Projects? That's eeeasy!
- ITABITT --> "Is There A Body In The Trunk?"
- OLR --> "Own, Lease, or Repossessed?"
- BHORD --> "Bullet Hole Or Road Damage?"
- A Daily PHH-HMFTT contest --> "Pot Hole Hell - How Many Flat Tires Today?" Pick a pothole, count how many cars get flat tires from it
- "Shortcut" --> Find the quickest way around construction and lack of roads from NE-to-SW Metro Detroit
- "Channel of Death Bingo!" --> Pick the traffic camera that sees the first accident of the day on I-696.
Local folks will already recognize some of these following projects:
- WCD --> "What's Carlita Driving?"
- "DC or DB?" (Detroit Cops -or- Drive By?) Who Fired Bullets Today?" Half points if strippers are involved.
- "MFGOCO" --> "Mission From God -Or- Cover Up? What's Kwame up to now?"
I'll stop now...
So a talent scout from the Detroit Tigers is visiting Iraq, hoping to raise morale among the troops by distributing baseball stuff-- caps, mostly, but other stuff as well. Anyway, he's walking through Baghdad with some soldiers when an insurgent throws a grenade at them. Out of nowhere, an Iraqi teenager runs up, grabs the grenade, and throws it back at the insurgents. The scout is absolutely amazed by this kid, who can throw a grenade with more power and accuracy than anyone he's ever seen. So he hires the kid to be a pitcher for the Tigers. It's a big PR coup for the team, and the "Wacky Iraqi" (as the fans dub him) turns out to be really, really good. But a year later, while celebrating after winning a game, the kid gets a call in the locker room from his tearful mother.
"Mom, you sound upset. What's wrong?"
"I'll tell you what's wrong. You and your teammates are celebrating right now, and I'm trapped in a postapocalyptic nightmare. Today your father was injured by a roadside bomb. Your brother lost a foot to a landmine, and he's afraid to go outside because of all the violence. I couldn't go to the market today because there was a firefight outside and I didn't want to get caught in the crossfire. And because the infrastructure has been destroyed here, there's garbage everywhere and raw sewage in the gutter."
"Gosh, Mom, I'm sorry. Really, I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't cut it, son. I'll never forgive you for bringing us to Detroit."
@Armand, Star-Spangled Pedant: At least Detroit has the Red Wings (aka Swedish National Team)!
@SeanKHotay:
HA! MoTA? --> Helicopters Ahead! Murder or Traffic Accident?
5LC TLoW! --> 5 Lane Cut-off...oh, Turning Left onto Woodward!
HPAD --> Hazel Park After Dark...benign working class neighborhood, or Pitbull-infested near-wasteland? You decide....After Dark!
So8/No8 --> Presented with a series of automobiles, you must choose: is it registered South of 8 Mile, or North of 8 mile? (Caprice/Impala Donks excluded, too easy)
...Detroit is like one of those time-lapse videos of decay, except it's happening in real time. Painful analogy, sorry.
VOHS - Vehicle or Homeless Shelter?
DDOS - Dead, Drunk or Asleep? Occupied vehicles only.
(This happened in a Food Lion parking lot.)
@Armand, Star-Spangled Pedant: I see the joke about Vlade Divac bringing his family to LA has been updated. Nice.
@Impalamino:
HA! MoTA? 5LC TLoW!
RotFLMAO!
Wow. Thanks for the recognition. Last night, sprawled out on the Lazy Boy doing my best venus flytrap impression (I can't believe I missed both eps of Corner Gas. I live for that show.) I decide before walking the dog one last time and turning in that I'd crank up the Blackberry and see who won COTD.
"What?No!"
Sadly, I'm able to read Jalop on the mobile, but I can't log in and comment. Perhaps I should break down and get some Broadband up in stately SundaySunday Manor.
Or. Gawker IT could pull themselves away from creating disturbing images in banner ads and taking Acura TSX luchre and make the site more mobile-friendly.
Anyways, thank you again for the compliments. DOTS is clearly one of my favorite features in all of Jalopdom.
Those are some funny digs at Detroit's automotive climate, guys. I laugh at all of them except those that rip on the rugged terrain that is our dreadful system of roads.
Thanks to that lunar landscape that is the Clay Avenue overpass, I am forced to make the commute in my Chevy Colorado while my 30+ mpg Capri gets relegated to evening and weekend duty.
Oh and one more thing. Well actually two. Murilee, when the time comes that you compile that coffee table book of DOTS photos, I will evangelize that book to all my gearhead friends and artist friends, since your photos will undoubtedly impress both.
And finally, thanks for including a Merc in the photo for this posting. As a Mercury fanatic, that was the icing.
Thought of a few for the Detroit Car Companies:
- "Corporate Star Driving an Economy Car" --> Catch'em if you can! The Lincoln Sparrow of sightings would be Mark Fields in a Fiesta.
- E&ABC --> "Ergonomics & Aesthetics By Committee" A GM specialty! Watch a bunch of geeks and MBA business wonks do touchy-feelie stuff! Hiliarity ensues!
- "The Press & Nardelli Show" See Nardelli try to hide his disgust each time they meet! No, not as in Jim Press, but the actual press media! (Actually, the Jim Press version is fun to watch, too!)
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