My house has a funky 4-foot-wide room that used to be a porch back when Chester A. Arthur was in the White House. Other than insulating the rest of the house from the noise of drunken fistfights in the street when the local dive bar closes, it isn't a very useful room. It does get lots of light, however, so I've filled it completely with office plants left behind by laid-off coworkers during the decline-and-fall period of the dot-com boom. But something was missing... ah, yes, the Junkyard Touch™. I've got the '56 Chevy hood ornament on the wall, so it makes sense that I'd start grabbing icons dangling from the mirrors of junked cars and hang them from the light fixture. Am I the next Martha Stewart or what?

4:00 PM on Thu May 1 2008
By Murilee Martin
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23 comments

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acarr260 at 04:10 PM on 05/01/08
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I like what you've done with the place. You really need some disturbing story made up and ready for when people ask where those came from. bonus points for including the phrase "damn out of towners".
Indiana Bento and the... at 04:23 PM on 05/01/08
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I'm waiting for the "More Jalopnik-Approved Home Decorating Tips: Body parts from Dead Hookers found in trunks" post before I comment
Bret at 04:26 PM on 05/01/08
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You'll need to find some of those beaded 'massaging' seat covers the cabbies all seem to have and place those on a couple of chairs out there. No enclosed porch is complete until it has comfy seating.
charles_barrett at 04:27 PM on 05/01/08
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Murilee, you'd like my Randy... He has various things that he's hung from the rearview mirror of his Sportage. Crystal items with facets that catch the light are his faves, 'tho lately he's been sporting a tiny blue glass porpoise.

Is that porch what those in snowy climates would call a mud room, to avoid tracking mud/slush throughout the house? My house has a side-door into the laundry room and broom closet, with an attached half-bath. It's handy if we've been working in the garden... we can come in without getting the carpets dirty.

Keep it up with the "Junkyard Chic" decor...!
(And it'll keep the house smelling pine-forest fresh...)
charles_barrett at 04:29 PM on 05/01/08
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P.S. Some of those pictured above would make bodacious roach clips...
Mad_Science at 04:37 PM on 05/01/08
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@acarr260: "Damn out of towners" would probably stand on its own.

Also: Sure Murilee, you can quit any time you want. Whatever.
Braff S. Preston, Esq. at 04:38 PM on 05/01/08
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@charles_barrett: As long as he doesn't hang CDs from the rearview...

Am I the last person on the planet who does not understand this? Can anyone explain?
graverobber- Two BEER... at 04:38 PM on 05/01/08
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If only you could find a cast-off set of Truck Nutz to hang there, you could have the whole talisman and teabag thing going on.
Indiana Bento and the... at 04:43 PM on 05/01/08
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@graverobber- Same great taste, new low price!: PVC Testicles are the new Mistletoe!
voodoojoo at 04:45 PM on 05/01/08
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Wait, is this hooptyrides? No? I just had to double check my URL there. Whew.
LTDScott, Porcubimmer... at 04:45 PM on 05/01/08
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Waaaait a minute, I don't see any Little Tree air fresheners!
Ash78 at 04:50 PM on 05/01/08
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@LTDScott, Porcubimmer pilot:

/plug for www.perpetualkid.com
graverobber- Two BEER... at 04:59 PM on 05/01/08
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@Chinese Knockoff Bento: Gives new meaning to the term "chin up".
4.9 Port Fuel... at 05:08 PM on 05/01/08
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Hey, I love those things! Every time my family goes to China they end up plonking down for about 18 of those Chinese tassels, some with scented wooden carved balls, others with coins, and some with bells and young Mao's likeness in ceramic on them. We always make it a deal to put one in every car we own, like a christening. It's like fuzzy dice for stereotypical Italian guys.

One of these days I'm going to put a jingling Mao tassel in my 1970 Dodge Challenger R/T, to see what anybody makes of it.
smalleyxb122 at 05:09 PM on 05/01/08
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Missing: Fuzzy dice

Missing: 8 ball

Missing: Garter left over from a prom night deflowering. (though maybe you don't want to touch that, if it's in a junkyard)

Otherthan these ommisions, a sweet idea.
SLR_BlowerMania at 05:13 PM on 05/01/08
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Ms. Martin. You must not be married to have something like that in your home. If I had something like that. It would be banished to the Garage.
Bumblebee at 05:20 PM on 05/01/08
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Murilee: This is just a shot in the dark, but why not un-enclose your enclosed porch?

A porch is a fine thing, and it'll raise the value of the house.
Elhigh at 06:05 PM on 05/01/08
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I used to live in a house where the kitchen was 5.5' by 16'

I loved that kitchen.
NovaloadMissesPolar at 09:14 PM on 05/01/08
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Murilee, Martha Stewart can't hold a tiny scented votive candle in a faceted lead crystal holder to the awesome that is your taste.
charles_barrett at 10:33 PM on 05/01/08
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@Novaload: I totally agree... our Murilee would emerge victorious in any decorating slap-down against Martha Stewart. And wanna bet Martha can't drive a stick-shift to save her life...? Let alone swap out an engine (and why do I think Murillee could come up with an appropriate doily for the occassion if needed....?)
Murilee Martin at 04:32 AM on 05/02/08
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I also have a functioning Geiger counter on the coffee table. Just in case. Let's see Martha match that!
dculberson at 08:14 AM on 05/02/08
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I have a complete, probably-functional 1950's EEG in my dining room. Gorgeous stainless steel and aluminum thing. Opposite that is a Mr. Do! upright arcade machine. I am married! So it can happen.
RocketScientist at 12:59 PM on 05/02/08
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@Red AuerБЯд╒╒: the urban legend as relayed to me is that a cd hanging from the mirror will 'confuse' a radar gun and save you from a ticket.

Yes, putting a giant reflective target (perfect for lidar) that is guaraunteed to move at the same speed of your car is a good way to avoid tickets... not. MORONS.