Jalopnik
What we have here is a 1974 Porsche 914 with a Chevy 350 engine and a Ferrari-influenced body kit, sort of a German Malaise version of the Fierrari. The owner needs to sell because he's "just sick," plus he's accepted a lifetime career opportunity in NYC and, you know, "Goodness only knows what insurance would cost and what vandalism it would be subject to there." The disturbing part is this statement: "On the road it sounds like a gay deep throated angry demon!" Yes, that's exactly the sound we're all looking for in a car! Thanks to Yurikaze for the tip! [eBay Motors]
This 914 Sounds Like "A Gay Deep Throated Angry Demon!"
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8:00 AM on Mon Apr 21 2008
By Murilee Martin
2,184 views
67 comments
Comments
That...that's...that's not what that car is supposed to look like, is it? I need an adult...
I see the Fiero, where's the Porsche?
The words "gay deep throat" should not appear anywhere near each other, ever. I must go roast my eyeballs now.
Thumbs up for the Chevy motor. Uh... not so much for the "tasteful body modifications".
On the plus side,it is pussy magnet yellow
TFU - Totally F***ing Ugly.
I should hate this, yet I'm strangely drawn to it. Kinda like that chick in school, who wasn't hot in the classic sense, but still had that je ne sais quoi thing going...
Wow. He should be hung for doing that to a Porsche... any Porsche. I feel sad for this little 914. I guess "a gay deep throated angry demon" is nicer than "a gay deep-throateding angry demon!" Maybe someone can clarify the distinction, but I'm going to try to go think of something else now...
If only he used the money on the outside to make the cockpit more, well, enjoyable. At least spring for a new set of carpets, or a decent steering wheel.
I wouldn't touch it anyway... yellow... ugly... looks like a kit car... for way too much money...
Now I bought a 914 a long time ago
Don't you see how malaise they're actin'
They only run and they run when they wanna
So call up Porsche embalm the goner
They don't care 'cause they got paid anyway
They teach ya like an ace they can't be betrayed
I know you stumble with no use people
If your car is on the line then you're stuck today
Late comings with the late comin' wrecker
Not a Ferrari in disguise y'all betcha
I call 'em body swappers quick they come to fetch ya?
With an plastic body kit and tools to dissect ya
They are the kings 'cause they swing amputation
Lose your dam, your grille to them it's compilation
I can prove it to you watch the rotation
It all adds up to a funky situation
So get up get, get get down
9-1-4 is a joke in yo town
Get up, get, get, get down
Malaise 9-1-4 wears a fake crown
He did this to his car and now he's worried about vandalism?
Satan is going to be pissed when he gets a 914 cake.
@DannyBN: excellent point!
[news.windingroad.com] Could be worse!
But it's pussy magnet yellow, or penis magnet yellow.Wait thats Ga. That's baby shit Yeller.
[www.showcars-bodyparts.com] Must be spreading!
@mytdawg: Nice.
I'll bet Huntsville will be glad to see him and that car gone.
Fugly. No other word to describe it. That wing is simply wrong on a car of that type. Then the cockpit looks like it was transplanted from a larger car. Or the rear haunches need to be taller, one of the two.
What an effort has been put into making something that is just fugly. Takes all sorts I guess.
if only he had wrapped himself around a tree in it.
A classic case of Darwinism not quite making it to the end.
Sadly he is selling the car before he installs the 5.1 surround sound stereo system in it........
If you are a 914 fan, you will...
...want to kill me for molesting one of them in such a way.
@layabout: that purple racer 914 is actually kind of cool in a form-follows-function sort of way. It shouldn't be lumped into the same category as this yellow monstrosity.
The wing is a bit much.
Dude, the '80s called. They want their body kit back.
If you're going to spend that much money mangling a 914, why not just swap in a 911 Turbo motor and just forget the ugly bodywork. Probably about the same cost, and a much cooler result.
As a whole that car is ... an atrocity. Although I will admit to like the face and ass on it. Now if they could just do something to get rid of those piss poor Testarossa flares and make the vent's functional, then maybe MAYBE it would be tolerable aftermarket conversion. Now if they could do something to make it sound less gay.
poor poor 914.
@Elhigh: At least not anywhere near a Porsche 914.
Wait... it sounds like Harvey Fierstein?
This guy is insane thinking he can get 23k for this crap.
@elwood: I agree, stock body with a turbo 911 engine. Nothing else needed.
Maybe a brake upgrade.
This looks no worse than an R8.
At least the Chevy V-8 fits cleaner than the Lexus V-8. [www.flickr.com] Notice the cam-belt pulley at your shoulder. DON'T ride with long hair!
I think we all need to find out Charles' expert opinion on what this might actually sound like.
@dr zero: Wow, you went there.....
Apparently gay, deep-throated demons have no lateral support. Don't forget to cup the bolsters . . .
hmm where Mr Barret when you need him?
I mean what does a gay deeo throated angry demon sound like???
BRAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!!!!????
or PHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAP????
He changed the ad to "angry" deep throated instead of "gay"--so I hope that clears up everything.
How hard would it be to pry all the crap effects off this "car" and end up with a ratrodded Porsche? Including the shelf on back. And the paint, of course.
@Dr.Danger's got nards: If you're putting a 911 Turbo engine in a 914, DEFINETLY a brake upgrade. I'd also consider a roll cage and 4-point harnesses. But yeah, aside from safety-mandated items, leave the rest stock.
On the road it sounds like a gay deep throated angry demon.
You'd sound that way too if you were stuck in the middle of something as ugly as this car.
The sub-heading now has a sad word in it:
"Description (revised)"
Noooo, he made the demon's sexuality ambiguous! At least it's still deep throated.
@P161911: I can not imagine how difficult that vehicle is to work on. Those engines are wedged into the LS400 which is a full size sedan. A starter repair is a 4-hour shop job - more like a 16 hour home job. You have to remove the intake manifold... and the right hand catalytic converter!? Just to get to the starter.
@Morphine: Oh damn that was good.
"I just want to be LOOOOVVVEEEDDDD bbrnnmmmmmmbrmmmmmmmm Is that SOOOO Wronggggg brnmmmmmmmm"
Only skanky dragons dig deep throated demon cars.
i just saw ACTION JACKSON starring Carl Weathers and Craig T Nelson. Coach played the role of the evil car manufacturer. the car he gets killed with is a pontiac fiero with testerrossa kit on it. stellar flick.
@JoSCh:
and from that comes a skanky deep-throat angry dragon?
@MENACEIISOBRIETY: Welcome to awesome.
What? Why? I am confused. This is jalopnik, right? Why is there a twink mobile with a deep throat dressed like a teste-rossa and a badly done engine transplant burning my sclera?
So if it sounds like a Gay Deep-throated angry demon... is that supposed to mean it sounds like Elton John today singing "Madman Across the Water"?
@OrangeBoss9: that is just wrong.
@boognish: I think you answered your own question on that one.
With a stunning yellow paint job like that, I can see what the gay deep-throated vehicle would be so angry.
@staircar: HA!
COTD!