Jalopnik
When we added a great big hood scoop to our V8 Volvo LeMons racer, it immediately became apparent that something was missing from the picture. But what? Walking around to the rear of the car, it hit us: we lacked a wing! Skeptics might point out that a wing would be aerodynamically meaningless on a brick-shaped car running on a track with top speeds of about 60 (the crueler skeptics might even refer to a wing as "useless dead weight"), but we know that's hogwash- the bigger the wing, the faster the car!
With Half Price Day coming up at the junkyard, we had to select our wing carefully; after all, $9.00 is quite an investment. We considered going for an MR2 wing, but some quick measuring led to the discovery that the wing off the Pontiac Fiero GT was just the right width for our car.
Into the Civic with the other half-priced loot! The Fiero GT wing is especially nice because it mounts on any flat surface via four easily-drilled holes.
Because we wanted to try to get some test time at a track with a "No Brake Light, No Service" policy prior to the actual race, we picked up some Chrysler minivan brake lights to mount on the underside of the wing.
Look at that safety!
By our calculations, our Fiero wing adds 50 horsepower and infinite coolness.
Comments
I love the 240 Dl, and I love the Fiero, may its bastard child live in Infamy!
Ironically both of those cars where choices of mine for the 24 hours of Lemons...
Freaking sweet. Now douse it in BBQ lighter fluid for the victory lap.
I really, really want to see how this Volvo turns out by LeMons time. All of this junkyard scrounging is highly amusing.
It's not useless dead weight, it's balast to move the CG rearwards!
Also, as far as the brake lights go, couldn't you just make a little helmet for Wanky the Safety Cat?
Paint it yellow. Instant HP.
Needs French Racing Blue spraypaint.
Oh, and can I still vote for a cobbled-together junkyard turbo kit?
@Hoser Dave: Not to mention "Pussy" loves yellow.
@elwood: I pushed for a junkyard quad-turbo Cadillac V8, but was overruled by my teammates.
I thought all proper Lemons aerodynamic aids came from Home Depot.
I'm in love.
anyone wanna put up a link to the teams blog?
It's not a real fiero wing unless you put a Ferrari emblem on it.
@Murilee Martin: Could you even do that on a $500 budget? How much does a small turbo and assorted flanges go for at the junkyard?
@Maymar: But shouldn't that extra-CG-balancing be lower on the car?
A Volvo has enough rear overhang and rides high enough, Murilee! Mount it on the underside of the car. It'll drive the other competitors and judges absolutely bonkers with a bad case of WTFs.
@TheBlueBomber: www.jalopnik.com
also, I am starting to think I actually want this car.
Had one of those stolen off my '88 Formula, 3 days after I bought it. 1200 clams to replace it at the time.
@Murilee Martin: Wow. I'm just...that stunningly Jalopnik. I'm speechless.
@Murilee Martin: If you stack another wing on top of the first... well, thats twice the power!
@TheBlueBomber: I'm trying to put together a proper team website, but haven't had time. Working on it.
I think it just needs that airplane hood ornament Murilee picked up a while back (good for another 10hp by my calculations), and it will be unstoppable at LeMons.
a scary shark profile painted on each side can't hurt either.
@Murilee Martin: i thouth they had a website
TOO SMALL!!1!!11!!
must have 2X4s lifting it into fresh air
Geez, I never thought of the Fiero as being that freaking wide.
I'm beginning to think the V8lvo would make a pretty rad daily driver. You gonna raffle it off after the race?
You could mount a pair of secret hyper jets in the original taillight holes. Fire those puppies up and get ready to go hyper active!
@graverobber- Same great taste, new low price!: The Volvo 240 is actually not a large car- it just looks big because it's so brick-shaped. And it would be a fun daily driver, except for the fact that you'd need to wear a helmet while driving it, lest you crack your head open on the cage in a fender-bender.
it needs a turbo badge. every Yugo and car under 80hp in Miami in the 80s and 90s had a turbo badge on the back. classic.
We're hoping the quills on our car will work like the little fins on the Mitsu Lancer EVOs for extra speed!
How many theoretical horsepower are we up to now? You fetched 100 pretend ponies with the hood scoop, and now 15 more with your psuedo ital designed horizontal stabilizer...
Get some Type R stickers, and I think you got yourself a 10 second car there...
Wanky would approve of your safety efforts.
@Adidac425: Even more if he gets a couple of V-Tec badges.
Wait, what am I saying? Get? He probably has half-a-dozen of them in a kitchen drawer. Just glue a couple on and feel the power!
Did Pep Boys ever sell a set of Volvo 240 Lexus-Style clear rear lights?
Or is that gilding the lily?
@devilock138:
Ludicrous speed. GO!!!
In the true sprit of the race, I would have mounted it backwards...
NINE BUCKS! Thats a steal for a Fiero wing.
OK, Scoop? Yep. Wing? Yep.
Turbo badge? Yep.
Fender vents? No?
Ya gotta have fender vents!
How can ya have any ventin' if ya dint have any fender vents?
And by all means, paint a Swedish flag on the roof.
The $2008 challenge gives points for looks. Likewise, LeMons may add "index points" for coolness. A flag roof is very cool, unless its a British or Confederate flag. Way overdone.
@Adidac425:
Bastard! You read my mind!
You need these logos:
How did you find a Fiero wing that wasn't charred?
Also, when I see the rear of the Volve, pre-wing, it really looked like the front of a majorly cool car. Lego like, yes, but square and plain and serious.
I second the need for a Swedish Roof Flag.
@lascauxcaveman: Already been tried:
+ Watch video
(At 2:25)
Hmmm... methinks you need to graft a V8-6-4 badge onto one of these.
@staircar:
...and then, for the sake of authenticity, remove five plug wires.
Needs NACA ducts. Everywhere. In every direction.
@kleinlowe: Or Testarossa louvers running along the rear quarter.
If ya have an extra 9 bucks burnin a hole in yer pocket when its all said and done, go buy yourself another one for the front, like the countaches of yore. Any driver seeing that in the rear-view will go into some sort of seizure.
Not letting Wanky serve the duty to which he was born = FAIL.
@graverobber- Same great taste, new low price!: "Geez, I never thought of the Fiero as being that freaking wide."
That's because it's not. The wing on the Fiero was at least 4 inches too wide, in my opinion.
Of course I also am the guy who tacked a red 84 T/A spoiler on a mostly-silver 78 GP and thought it rocked, so grain of salt and all that.
(It went rather well with the blue shaker and vinyl top. And yes the shaker was functional rather than being riveted to the underside of the hood)
@Skydiver: Less 'or', more 'and'.
@M0L0TOV: Now Now, no need to bring my mothers anonymous promiscuity into this...