Jalopnik
Not long after I joined a 24 Hours of LeMons team, I attended a barbecue at a friend's house. Friend's husband, Darren, is a motorcycle mechanic, so naturally all the gearheady guys gravitated to the garage to look at grimy machinery and listen to The Atomic Bitchwax on the garage boombox... and then I saw it. Just lying there on top of a box of Honda pistons was an old battered Mr. Gasket Street Scoop. Yes!
Turns out it came installed on a '65 Chevy pickup Darren bought for bike-hauling purposes, and the first thing he did upon taking delivery of the truck was to remove the scoop and fill in the crudely hacked hole in the hood. "I must have that scoop for the race car," I told him. "How much you want for it?" I didn't quite grab him by the lapels and shake, but there was no mistaking my air of urgency.
Darren's price was very reasonable, as in free ("What the hell do I want with this redneck thing? Take it!"), and now we've gone ahead and installed it on our Ford 302-powered '84 Volvo DL. Sure, we still don't have the car moving under its own power yet, nor do we have working brakes, but priorities are priorities!
Team members Wayne and Dave are proud of their precision hood-modifying handiwork, and rightfully so. I figure this thing is good for at least 100 horsepower, maybe more. You see, it's a well-known automotive fact that you get 100 horses per scoop (and another 50 for each inch of tailpipe diameter, not to mention 25 for each square foot of wing surface), so this gives us quite an edge over the competition.
Comments
YES!
SWEET JESUS YES!
This car will rule LeMons. Id be purprised if it doesn't take ALL the awards.
And all the nickels with it.
Bitchin
there is just something so beautiful about a hood scoop poking out of a volvo.. it sort of makes me teary eyed.
I just picked up an '83 240 DL about a month ago, and got it running this past weekend. I can't wait to see your finished product!
Also:
Sticker (small) = 5 hp
Sticker (large) = 15 hp
Neon lights under rockers = 30 hp per light + .5 g max cornering load
Neon lights under engine = 1000 hp (cus hey, if it glows it must run on fusion)
Racing Stripes = 20 hp
Offset Racing Stripes = 35 hp
Offset Racing Stripes where one stripe is fat and the other skinny = 100 hp
Giant Japanese Character on back window = 1000 hp
F'ing RAD.
As a driver for this team, my only concern is that there will be danger to the manifold, and without a laptop hooked up to the scoop, we'll have no way of knowing.
I should turn my truck into a LeMons runner... It barely made it from my office to the mechanics yesterday afternoon... not good.
At every stop light, I popped it into neutral and did the ole' left foot brake-right foot keep the revs up... Mechanic is calling today to tell me what is going on in there... There may be a '99 Ranger on Craigslist/Orange County soon though...
@Fitty7lax: How many HP for flames?
That is truly a thing of beauty.
@Fitty7lax: A big Type-R sticker has to be good for 35 hp.
It's missing...something.
How about a Jag leaper attached to the scoop? Or maybe the King Cobra hood decal from a Mustang II?
The coffee can attachment to the carb is super.
@ViergangFuchs: I'd be more concerned about the diamond plate floor falling out in the middle of the race.
AWESOME.
When I was a kid, whenever I drew a picture of a car (which was pretty much everything I ever drew), I would include one of these. Seriously.
I see nothing wrong with your priorities.
Keep the underwear blue color, just add yellow hockeystick stripes. Or perhaps a "prancing moose" sticker: [davebarton.com]
@Zarba: Calvin pissing on a SAAB decal?
I think it needs a couple AUTOMATIQUE badges for good luck.
Make sure you use all the snake oil you can find too, just to squeeze out a couple extra ponies.
This must make Thor proud
Well, that *almost* makes up for the lack of velocity stacks, which are known over all the redneck world as the superior power-builder.
You just turned that bitch up to 11
Man, that is so "Mad Svensson"-looking. Please tell me you're gonna' put plexiglass over the headlamps and carry a Dingo during the race.
I would go Seventies on that beast. Spray Paint the rear Axle Day Glo Orange and add plenty of these...
[cgi.ebay.com]
You're going to need a pick up--possibly a super-duty, to get your nickels home!
Damn, after you race it, are you gonna keep it as a daily driver?
(I would)
Awesome, but remember Yosemitey Sam Mud Flap are worth at least 50-75hp dependent on the compression your running.
+100hp for flame throwing exhaust
That there is almost a Detroit daily commuter.
Just the thing for when Mad Max raids IKEAs.
Who needs brakes when you've got that bitchin' hood scoop? It's LeMons--stop when you hit something.
@mytdawg:
Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.
Straight pipes out the hood or you loose all credibility with me.
@Paul Y. Rocks: HA! Funny... me too! Didn't matter how futuristic the car looked either... had to have one!
With three separate intake holes, that thing should be good for at least 150hp. It's science, you know.
@Neener:
Absolutely. Tho' you might need some sort of crash bar setup to keep them from getting crimped shut in the LeMons bump'n'grind.
Also, is that engine bolted in, Murilee? It looks so *low* in the second picture.
@Unevolved: Bwahahahahah! Very nice.
@Paul Y. Rocks: You are not alone. Anything I drew (up until college) had a big blower sticking out of it. Nobody seemed to see anything wrong with that either... at least where I grew up.
If any other haters doubt the sheer epicness of the hood scoop, just look at them with stares of death:
"So...does that thing work?"
Pause. Daggers from eyes. "What the hell do YOU think?"
You're getting my vote for People's Choice, that's for sure.
Wow is that badass!
Unfortunately it leads me to a sad announcement: LeMons Team K.I.A. Is dead unless someones knows where I can grab a '96 Kia Sephia (automatic) wiring harness and transmission...they both went out on my new brakes test drive last night...oh did I mention I've only got about 70 bucks left in budget... :-(
For inspiration:
[www.riceboypage.com]
@m3_of_doom: You can make your own wiring harness! Transmissions are 40 bucks at Half Price Day at most self-service junkyards! You can do it!
Vad Vax Volvo...
Team members Wayne and Dave...
Whew! I thought all this race car building was aging Mrs. Martin at an unnatural rate.
@Murilee Martin: Yup!
400' of speaker wire from Radio Shack is only $40.
Murilee's Tranny is $40.
While you're at the junkyard, sell a fender for $10.
You're in!
You Can Do Eeeet!
Now I want one of those for the '66 Amazon team Tuna Chuckers is building for the July Kershaw, SC LeMons race.
The current plan is to cut out a large section of the hood and replace with plexi-glass. B18 under glass. How many extra HP is that worth? Eight?
@FreeMan: Radio Shack? What, you think he's made of money? Tear out the wiring for all the Kia crap you don't need (e.g., taillight harness, dash harness) and use that for wire. That way you get all the nice connectors ready to go! Some soldering, some electrical tape, and you're ready for action!
What kind of harness is needed, anyway? Engine ECU, maybe the tach wiring, ignition switch. And I see Kias in the junkyard every so often, so this is no death blow.
Did anyone else notice in the last picture that the guy on the right has his gloved laid on the hood shocker-style? Fucking slick... love it.
Ahh, you make me proud to share the illness of lemons!!!
The bar, she has been raised.
Anyone got a free blower for a 77' 280z?
Your paint job may need to just be the jalopnik logo and a picture of an el camino to seal the deal!
With a plate that reads "I Mock your malaise"
Ahh yes, nicely done Mr. Martin!