Jalopnik
I'm writing this from the back seat of the Pontiac G8 GT. That's a midlevel-performance version of the sedan GM Vice Chairman Bob Lutz asserts will return to Pontiac its long-absent dignity. Judging from the comfortable back seats and legroom, not to mention the reportedly solid platform, potent V8 and tight packaging, there's little doubt it will.
I'm writing this from the back seat of the That's because the G8 GT (along with its LS3-powered sibling, GXP) is the first truly exciting car Pontiac's introduced in years, ironically arriving well after the company abandoned a borderline-fraudulent advertising claim of excitement creation. Lutz acknowledged the hubristic inaccuracy of the brand's old motto, "We Build Excitement," on stage at the New York auto show this week, evoking as evidence the defunct four-cylinder Grand Am, which, even in its malaise-era context, was slightly less exciting to operate than a lawn sprinkler.
Not that Pontiac's was the most egregious messaging offense of that period. Back in the early '80s, Ford insisted quality was "Job One." Simultaneously, it turned out the Fairmont, a car whose shoddiness was a thumb in the eye of every mid-level administrator who applied part of his stagflation-adjusted paycheck toward one. You may remember the Fairmont as the car whose horn was activated, without explanation, by pushing a plastic-capped stalk horizontally toward the steering column. Woe to the drivers who mistakenly plunged into the immovable steering-wheel hub (Note to self: research cases of jammed palms circa 1981). Others remember the Fairmont as a car beaten to the junkyard only by the Dodge Aspen/Plymouth Volare, a marginally more unconscionable shitbox.
(For the record, automakers weren't the only ones engaging in hyperbole. Burger King insisted one could have it one's way, yet failed to offer a fried quail egg or dollop of creme fraiche to those whose "way" involved those delicacies.)
The G8 shared Pontiac's stage at the New York auto show this week with a targa-topped version of the Solstice and a new version of GM's Australian Holden ute, the G8 sport truck. The latter may seem pointless to anyone who's not Australian, under the age of 40 or missing the gene for irony. Trust me; it's the kind of pointless that makes people uncomfortable enough to buy one. And if you think that paradox won't fly, just wait until someone builds a fiberglass cap for it.
The point of the story is that Pontiac, once an icon of performance, had been a victim of unspeakable corporate abuse during the past three decades. Remember what happened to Sybil (in that 1976 movie) after sustaining lesser parental disaffection? She ended up with a massive case of dissociative identity disorder. In the movie Sybil, it took a caring psychiatrist and some hard therapy to bring the Syb around. It's taken Bob Lutz's personal care to keep Pontiac likewise from ending up rocking in place and twisting its hair, which some say was in the company's brand-marketing plan for 2011.
The products are there, the excitement is palpable and it's up to Pontiac to live up to expectations.
Comments
Ride (ride) Pontiac Ride... Ride (ride) Pontiac Ride...
I used to get that jingle stuck in my head all freaking day after hearing that ad. Thanks for bringing THAT memory back.
Agreed, Pontiac needs to get their shit together, and Aussie Hoon-mobiles may be just what the doctor ordered.
Trivia re the Fairmont--that horn stalk is straight from Europe. On my Renault the same stalk also controlled the lights, so if you did not push it in straight, you could turn off your headlights instead of and in addition to blowing the horn. I had no idea Fairmonts had that. This was also a reason Nader said all such foreign appendages, stalks, handles and buttons were dangerous--because in a panic you would revert to your US reflexes.
Yes, there were many cases of impaled palm!
"...with its spacious back seat, the new G8 sedan can stylishly accomodate the owner plus two hookers in comfort...[Do not attempt. Professional driver & hookers on a closed course.]"
@graverobber: I'm old enough to remember the "Break away...in a wide-trackin' Pontiac today"
@Mike: You should have called this: "From a Pontiac 8"--wait. Too obscure? Besides, Dylan's already whorin' for Escalade.
Even worse than the 80s "Excitement" phase was the 90s "put some more plastic on it" phase. The late 90s Grand Ams had at least 300 pounds of excess body cladding.
@Novaload: Ford Fiestas circa 1982, USDM and Western Europe (like the one I drove during a two-month European vacation) also had the stalk-horn. That was also the first time I'd ever encountered a high-intensity tail-light... driving through the Benelux countries in pouring rain taught me to appreciate it...!
So, this is better than the V6 Ventura I had in high School???
I think the "Quality is Job 1" mantle has been passed to Dodge. I was driving in front of a spankin' new Grand Caravan yesterday. It was overcast/raining so the driver prudently had their headlights on. The neat new feature was than when they activated their turn signal, the headlight on that side would go out. Right blinker on = right headlight out and vice versa. Maybe it's an efficiency thing, Apollo 13 style. Can't run the headlight AND the blinker at the same time. Too many amps.
Man, I must be showing my age. Because I always loved that commercial... When I was in college and now. I just can't help it.
Unfortunately for you ElCaministas, Bob Lutz thinks the present models will probably also be the last harrumph of the classic, affordable V8-powered musclecar:
[www.autobloggreen.com]
Between now and 2015, expect lots of solid engineering work on turbocharged inline fours and V6s and, on electric drive subsystems. The resulting cars will not be malaise-era shitboxes by any means, in objective tests they'll probably be better. They'll definitely cost more for the same rated power.
But raw performance isn't what defines a muscle car - it's the brutish menace of a large growling V8 plus the styling cues that reinforce that and identify the owner as a tough guy to be reckoned with. Unless he's 5'5" and wears glasses, in which case he'd better fake a decent Aussie accent and keep a machete in the glove box.
Ironically, there would be no need for any of this to go away. As long as you don't put too many miles on it, a musclecar consumes no more fuel and emits no more CO2 in a given year than the econobox you use use for your long commute every day of the week. If CAFE were scrapped in favor of vehicle license fees based on the product of official combined fuel economy and actual miles driven, responsibility would shift back to the actual polluter.
Someone would have to come up with a tamper-proof electronic odometer and someone that DMV trusts would need to read out the value once a year, but those are solvable problems.
I thought that the Solstice GXP was kind of exciting when I first saw it. I mean, it was alright I guess although it was way late to the fun roadster game and yet more poorly executed than the competition.
I don't know about y'all, but I had way more excitement operating a sprinkler in the Malaise-era, than I did a Pontiac.
@rgseidl: "Someone would have to come up with a tamper-proof electronic odometer and someone that DMV trusts would need to read out the value once a year, but those are solvable problems."
To achieve the admirable goal you set out, higher gas taxes would be FAR simpler to administer. And they would have the same effect.
Ok, so then why the fnck can't I get anything but the limited edition, marked-up G8 GXP with a stickshift? The same people who demand RWD and V8 power demand manual transmissions.
I also take this declaration of impending badassity at Pontiac to suggest that we'll be getting a Sportwagon. Sportwagons are to crossovers what the G8 is to the Acura TSX.
(I have a mental image of the G8 shaking the TSX upside down for it's lunch money)
What, no Pontiac 6000 in that clip? Now those were exciting cars; would they start? would they shift into gear? Everyday was a new thrill for me.
Pontiac
We Built Malaisement!
But now we plan on doing that whole excitement thingy!
RIDE PONTIAC RIDE!!!!
...straight into a wall :P
The thing is I think all those cars in that ad look good. They look like I want to drive one and when I was a kid I actually liked them. But then get close enough to see the fit and finish, the sloppy handling, the rough engines, that terrible plastic smell, no reliability... well; looks are deceiving.
@radio1: For what it's worth, I was a toddler when that commerical came out, I love it too. Ironically though, at that time, my parents were driving a Toronto-sky grey Sunbird. They didn't buy it wanting or expecting excitement, and, well, it met those expectations.
Still, Pontiac's usually had some form of adrenaline running through at least one of their cars. Firebirds, '88 Fieros, the 3800 Supercharged, they even had a handful of turbo cars in the late '80s. Just not enough to sustain a brand in the face of a whole lotta plasticated Chevys.
What I'd ideally like to see is for Pontiac scrap FWD altogether. Drop the G5 in favour of a small four-seater based on the Solstice platform, and get Holden's Torana concept built as a G6 replacement. The Vibe works alright as is, if it sticks to AWD models.
Because, hey, I feel the thunder, the call of the road.
@RNelson4: No J2000 either? Or was it the Sunbird (again) by then?
Anecdotally, as the owner of a nine year old TransSport, I can report that Pontiac did not build excitement in 1999.
@Mad_Science: Go see your Mercury dealer, kid. RWD, V8 w/OD and never, ever, ever a manual. Never a thought of a manual. A smallish but comfy living room with a bed, a couple of lounge chairs and a fine stereo. If it had a toilet you could live in it.
I had a Sunbird in 86. Everything about it was great. Except for the tiny little engine. Had to cut off the a/c to get up a steep hill--well, to get up it at more than 30 mph.
@mailman: No, that's not the reason why they did that. According to some propaganda Chrysler distributed, on Daytime Running Lamp models, the headlamp gors out when the turn signal is activated so that oncoming traffic will be able to tell what the drivers intensions are. It seems that all the new Headlamp, signal clusters in cars today, the turn signals are too close to the headlamp to bee seen in the daytime. Remember when turn signals were in the Bumper below the headlamps?
@RNelson4: I know my '86 6000-STE was exciting the first day I got it, I managed to cause the original 90,000 mile 2.8 to expire in an attempt to see how fast it would go/accelerate, it got to 65mph before giving up and in return it gave me a good rod knock! Afterwards it was an ok car, seeing as it had 13 years to find all the flaws courtesy of the original owner.
It did win some races, and could manage highly illegal speeds and manage to annoy girlfriends with the flick of a button to change 62mph to 100kph without being obvious. It was quiet, only left me stranded once (bad ign. module), and rode well. Even despite my attempts to put the shiny side down it fared pretty well, with a loose panhard bar on the rear end, two flat tires, and a dented rocker panel (sideways into a ditch, cause for some excitement as to how much it would suck if it went over) If I ran across another STE for a good price I might reconsider it, but I'm not gonna actively look for one.
Now my sisters '84 Sunbird was pure excitement (excrement?), if you got it over 80mph you played the "How long till...." the headgasket blows, or the muffler, or the A/C compressor, or the alternator, or the power steering hoses. It also had a knack for dumping hot water on you if you parked it for a week at her school and it rained, and then drove it from a badly installed sunroof.
No exploding balls.
However, crunchy guitar rifts and diva crunchy hair, animate my clay monster.
That ad rocks freakin' hard!
@Maymar: Agreed. It hasn't been all bad at Pontiac. '89 Turbo T/A, 350 TPI, LT1 and LS1 4th Gens with 1LE and WS6 packages, Fiero GT's, Kappa, and the brave import of the Monaro.
Also agreed on the Torana. Currently, the G6 is expected to be replaced by a RWD Alpha car, but who knows what CAFE will do to these plans.
I'm happy to see Pontiac and Holden together. Both brands have given me the V8 oversteerin' action I need.
@RNelson4: No Grand Safari either! I mean, with RWD and Olds 307 power, it at least had the potential to be exciting in the right (hoonage prone) hands.
1) Spinelli writes his ASS OFF!!!
2) I truly in retrospect think the Vibe\Matrix collabo was the good beginning to them making quality cars and good biz decisions. Hope that makes sense and not an ass out me.
3) G8 will be mine, OH YES! I've tried searching for GTs around me and can't find any, they are on lots right???
crappy 80s commercials
@I'm so Malaise I can't taste it!!!!!!!!!11: 3) yes, and according to one shop that got one of the first GT's, they're putting down numbers over LS2 GTO's, in spite of the lower 'rating'.
@texan01: I still want one. Did yours have the suede seats? I had a fantasy of owning an STE when I was 10. Everytime we went to the dealership, I secretely hoped there was one in the showroom.
(Did I just have an STEgasm...?)
ahhh gotta love the disco-rock...reminds me of "I Was Made for Loving You" by Kiss...
@TRAMS_AM: Good to know!
You might enjoy hearing about a sweet sighting I had yesterday. walking through a huge under ground parking lot at work and say to myself "cool, a GTO, wonder what engine size?" Walk closer and say to myself "WTF! There's not an arrowhead on this things, there's a lion mounting a rock.. it's on the wheels too, and that thing says Monaro..."
I was shitting myself over the chance I was spotting some tricky ass guy that somehow got a left hand Holden and I was figuring out how to hunt him down for his secrets, then spotted the one thing thats hard to change (harder then the rest at least).. the white GTO stitching on the seats...
nevertheless, a good heart racing 30 seconds checking it out.. he had HSV rims and everything!
ah, the fairmont. my family had one. we were told the horn was on the stalk because someday cars would have airbags in the steering wheel, which of course the fairmont did not. the car was so bad, when the ignition failed the mechanic installed a "start" button on the dash. like a prius but not really. awful awful car. as for the pontiac 2000 we had later, the only excitement I ever had in it was when it overheated on the cross bronx expressway after the engine blocked cracked with 30K miles on the odo. the subaru dealer gave us cruise control on the legacy as a trade in for its carcass.
@UDMan: Remember when cars had bumpers? In the 70's, the cars were slim and bumpers bulgy. Now the cars are so morbidly obese the fat rolls over the bumper and it's no longer even visible.
Needs more T1000.
@charles_barrett: My first autocross car was a Fiesta S. In quick turns I was inadvertantly but inevitably hitting one stalk and turning on the wipers or hitting another stalk and blowing the horn. I never one a heat that year but, somehow, everyone enjoyed watching...
To a car-crazed 11-year-old in 1987, this ad was pure sex. Trust me...
@FLB: Mine did not have the suede seats, it did have "High Tech" cloth seats, the full digital dash and was ABS delete (supposedly standard for '86) and the only STE option it had was power seats. otherwise it was a basic STE (if there is such a thing!) I spent a small fortune on fixing the factory Delco radio so I could keep the steering wheel controls, the radio also sounded pretty good itself.
Mine was the deep maroon over silver. Never did tint the windows like I had wanted, would have looked sharp then. I did black-out the chrome around the beltline and put a later model SE spoiler on the trunk just to make it not so Grand-Am like from the side. Even gave some thought to putting the blown 3800 from the Bonneville in it.
I remember when they came out they were the hot stuff then, and even years later everyone still thought it was a nice car, despite having "Darth Vader's bathroom" for a dash. It was comfortable, super quiet on the road (think Lexus ES levels) reasonably fast, somewhat fuel efficient despite a 3 speed automatic, I think it would have been much better with the 5 speed manual.
Good to see you back, Mike.
You know, I have to defend the Fairmont. It was Ford's first venture into MacPherson strut suspension, and was their first midsize car with rack and pinion steering and a non-leaf spring rear end. It sold very well and eventually became the platform for the Mustang. In fact the Mustang used that same platform (in a tweaked form) until 2004. Yeah, I may be biased since my car is a glorified Fairmont, but give it the credit it's due.
Oh, and the "plastic-capped stalk (pressed) horizontally toward the steering column" to activate the horn is known as the TURN SIGNAL LEVER. Mike, perhaps you drive a BMW and are unfamiliar with such a device? (I own a BMW -- sorta -- so I'm allowed to say that).
Oh and for the record, I'd love one of the GTA Firebirds in the ad ;)
@