Reckless Driver Lane Coming SoonS

The Onion has scooped the latest details coming out of Washington regarding reckless drivers. Secretary of Transportation Mary Peters has reportedly approved a ridiculously large $270 billion project that would build lanes all across the U.S. for drivers identified as reckless. Peters told The Onion

These new lanes are for the millions of drivers who can't be bothered with speed limits, turn signal use, or not careening madly out into oncoming traffic. Whether hell-bent on putting themselves and everyone around them in danger or just drunk off their gourds and out for a simple joyride, America's reckless will no longer be forced to putter along with careful, conscientious, considerate citizens.

Rather than having a groundbreaking ceremony with a ribbon cutting, Peters sped through the first lane in a rusted 1984 Chevy Cavalier while holding coffee and slapping around her daughter in the backseat.

The lanes will be shaped like a bowl to keep drunk, asleep or make-up applying drivers steady in the lane. Click on over to see the full story. [The Onion]