Offbeat News, carjacking, crime, criminals, geo storm, strippers, yaaaaaaaay strippers!

Stripper Gets Drunk, Covers With Car Jacking Story - Geo Storm Only Flaw

Brandy Hicks is a young lady of many talents, stripping being one of them, lying to the cops being another. Seems she didn't want the party to end after her shift at Orlando's Dancers Royale on Monday, and danced the night away, with booze. Waking up in the morning she was confronted with a problem, seems the 27-year-old has a father who kept his daughter on a strict curfew, and he would be none too happy his little darlin' had missed it. So she did what something that probably sounded brilliant at the time - lied.

Miss Brandy (or Bambi, Honey, Candi, Porsche, whatever her name is) concocted a story which placed her at the center of a car jacking where a man approached her car at an intersection and whacked her over the head. She of course blacked out and woke up six hours later in the woods, missing her purse and her car. Police, being the nosy types that they are, started investigating and found Hicks' awesome Geo Storm that anybody would die to car jack only a few blocks away from the scene of the 'crime' (stumbling distance wethinks). This is when it all fell apart and Brandy admitted to the whole half-assed attempt at getting out of trouble. She was released but still may be charged with ~~being a pain in the ass~~ making a false report, she's definitely being fined $600 for wasting Police time.[wftv.com]

11:20 AM on Wed Feb 27 2008
By Ben Wojdyla
3,786 views
46 comments

Comments

halfshafter at 11:32 AM on 02/27/08
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A stripper with a curfew.
htrodblder at 11:32 AM on 02/27/08
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Since the writers strike is over I'm seeing a movie of the week, followed by a "Crime Scene Strippers" layout in Playboy.
Adamskiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiy at 11:34 AM on 02/27/08
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A 27-year-old. Stripper. Living at home. With a curfew.
FightingChance at 11:35 AM on 02/27/08
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Haha, Dancer's Royale at the corner of 436 and 50. Finest strip club/americana eatery I know of.

Also, would you believe Orange county ordinance requires bottoms *and* pasties?
68stang at 11:36 AM on 02/27/08
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Aramskiy. Beat me to it. You can't write irony like this.
Drujon at 11:38 AM on 02/27/08
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"Now Brandy I want you home as soon as you're done having creepy old men push ratty one dollar bills in and around your privates." "And see if you can score daddy some 'tina' at the club."
Matt Hardigree at 11:39 AM on 02/27/08
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To quote Chris Rock: If your daughter grew up to be a stripper, you fucked up.
chrystlubitshi at 11:41 AM on 02/27/08
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oh, whew... i saw the word 'jacking' in the title and was afraid this was going to be somehow related to something awful's top story yesterday

(note... i still read it anyways... i have me some intellerjins)
FLB at 11:42 AM on 02/27/08
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@htrodblder: Personally, I'm waiting for the animated version.
VonPinto at 11:42 AM on 02/27/08
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Only in Florida... And maybe West Virginia.
DonSchenck at 11:42 AM on 02/27/08
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@Adamskiy: ... driving a Geo Storm ...
POLAЯZSMAЯTAMINO at 11:55 AM on 02/27/08
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Sometimes ya just know what they do by name:

Mandy,
Cinnamon,
Misty,
Cherry,
Amber,
Angel,
Brandy,
Crystal,
Mercedes,
Candy...

Your parents cursed you!
Seth L at 11:58 AM on 02/27/08
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The Geo Storm is nicest thing about this article.
htrodblder at 12:00 PM on 02/27/08
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Its a strip club that requires "pasties"? Well that just changes everything.
Bentos, Der Frischmacher! at 12:09 PM on 02/27/08
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@FightingChance: Thats why peeps went to Lollipops in Daytona or Tampa, the East Coast mecca of strip joints! All Hail Mons Venus!
commander205 at 12:10 PM on 02/27/08
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Gawd. Did you guys go to the article and see the stripper? Must be a shallow pool there in Orlando. She couldn't get a job here in Birmingham.
PeteJayhawk at 12:10 PM on 02/27/08
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Hmmm...

[profile.myspace.com]
amblito at 12:11 PM on 02/27/08
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@htrodblder: Cornish or Cheese and Onion?
beercheck at 12:12 PM on 02/27/08
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POLAR: Cue Looking Glass rewrite.
beercheck at 12:14 PM on 02/27/08
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She sounds like a fine girl. Would make a good wife. But, alas, I already have a life, a love, and a lady.
DoctorNine at 12:17 PM on 02/27/08
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Did the topless dancer have the topless Metro?
I mean, you know, to balance the cosmos...
POLAЯZSMAЯTAMINO at 12:22 PM on 02/27/08
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@beercheck: She's (You're) a Fine Girl!
Morphine at 12:23 PM on 02/27/08
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It would figure that the best excuse a drunk stripper could think of on short notice had something to do with jacking.
rlj676 at 12:23 PM on 02/27/08
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@PeteJayhawk:

Her grandma even has a myspace page it would seem. Holy crap, am I the only person that doesn't get this myspace thing?

Maybe the curfew of 1 am or whatever was actually for Brandy's son, who was waiting in the car while mommy shook her pastied business to support their McDonald's habit.

Either way, I'd look at her naked.
brianddd at 12:29 PM on 02/27/08
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A stripper that talks to her Dad? No way.
sliderule at 12:40 PM on 02/27/08
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Yeah, "get off me dad, yer crushin me smokes".
m3_of_doom at 12:41 PM on 02/27/08
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@Bento: oh no way...2001 Odyssey tops Mons...its got a friggin spaceship for chrissakes!
Bentos, Der Frischmacher! at 12:44 PM on 02/27/08
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@m3_of_doom: I've been in the spaceship and it has a funny old cheese smell to it. Mons always seemed to have a better quality of stripper IMHO, but its been years since I've been there
Mazda-Eric-with-1cup-a... at 12:49 PM on 02/27/08
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oops...i saw "stripper" and "jacking" in the title and thought this story was going in a different direction.
Cobden at 12:52 PM on 02/27/08
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Winehouse got a visa?
JHJVJR at 12:53 PM on 02/27/08
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She must be terrible at her job if she drives a Geo Storm.
SavageATL at 12:55 PM on 02/27/08
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Apparently she lacks the stripper talent to upgrade to a v-6 Camaro. The Geo is like, I want so badly to be slutty enough to be a v-6 Camaro! keep trying, Brandy.
workingonyourinvoice at 01:10 PM on 02/27/08
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@Bento: Right.... Years...
SeanKHotay at 01:10 PM on 02/27/08
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Wait a minute...WFTV got it wrong...

Brandy, aka Poleshaker, got bonked in the back of the head with a rock by Geo so Magneto could abduct Storm for his attack on the Institute...

X-Men #1046
beercheck at 01:16 PM on 02/27/08
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@SeanKHotay: FTW. WTF, WFTV?
Iron-Balls McGinty at 01:17 PM on 02/27/08
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And Daddy's a deputy.
Beautiful.
POLAЯZSMAЯTAMINO at 01:36 PM on 02/27/08
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You guys are terrible!
The poor girl's probably just trying to earn money to go to College.
(It's amazing how many peelers are in College!)
I mean... do you think she enjoys Lap Dancing, being groped, and earning those little extras in the VIP room from all the off-duty cops that go in there? Ya know, the ones who probably work under her father!!
That would be kinda funny actually... Who's the Deputy now, BITCH?
SLURP SMACK SLURP SLURP SMACK SLURP SLURP SMACK SLURP SLURP SMACK
TheTooth at 01:51 PM on 02/27/08
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@beercheck: What does the sea have to do with this?
Vintage Racer at 02:10 PM on 02/27/08
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From her Myspace page, her friend Cinnabar (hmmm... what does she do for a living??) is fairly hot.
mytdawg at 02:37 PM on 02/27/08
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A 27 year old stripper named Brandy that lives at home, drives a Storm, has a cop for a dad, and is afraid of getting kicked out of the house.

She's not doing it right.
RoninianHoon at 02:45 PM on 02/27/08
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Another single digit IQ stripper...
yellofury * * * * * at 03:32 PM on 02/27/08
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@Cobden: shudders
good things its dark in strip joints
coz thats some buttah
petersterncan at 05:09 PM on 02/27/08
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@Adamskiy: Yeah, talk about things you wouldn't think could go together.
Novaload at 08:18 PM on 02/27/08
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@sliderule: HA! Grotesque but extremely funny!

Let's see--stripper + dumbass car + living at home + afraid of daddy + daddy is a cop + a lie even my cat would detect in a split second = 6 kinds of Loser!! That must be close to a record!
Pat_McRotch at 09:18 PM on 02/27/08
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@SavageATL: @Novaload:

As a Storm driver, who's sister actualy drives a V6 Camaro. ouch.
Littlebitsofpaper at 12:20 AM on 02/28/08
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Not my fave Orlando hangout but I knew a few girls who worked there - not Brandy tho ...