Well, the Jeep FC-150 obliterated the Spanish 2CV in yesterday's Choose Your Eternity poll, no doubt because even an Hecho en España label doesn't add enough weight on either side of the Cool/Hell scale when you're looking at a 2CV. However, we shouldn't start to thinking that France isn't a PCH superpower just because the 2CV was too simple to be truly hellish... which is why we're going with an all-French matchup for today's choices.
How much fun can you have in a car with less than one liter of engine displacement? Aside from jumping a Chevy Sprint, that is? Just watch the video below to see:
That's a Simca 1000 there (and yes, we know the car in the video probably has more than the factory's 944 screamin' CCs of displacement), and you can have one! Just hand over $1,300 to the seller of this 1968 Simca 1000 GLS (go here if the ad disappears), and you'll have taken the first- and no doubt easiest- of many, many, many steps towards your goal. Like so many project cars, the best thing this one's seller can say about its engine is that it's not seized (plus "have not tried very hard to start it nor have I checked compression yet have not had the time"). There's some important stuff missing, but not to worry- the seller has "found a place in France that has parts," which is practically like having them in your own garage!
We can never have too many Citröen SMs in Project Car Hell, because it's just so perfect: intolerably cool and absolutely impossible to keep running. Last time we saw an SM here, it beat a Jaguar E-Type, though not by much; today we're going to see how the SM- or, rather, two SMs- fare against a fellow French machine. Yes, it's a two-for-one '72 SM deal here; we don't know the reserve price, but the seller has "Lost interest and storage" and will probably listen to reason even if the reserve isn't met by the auction's close. The seller seems to think one of the two is nicer than the other (the one with the "Engine in car, but apart, Have most pieces to reassemble entire car" description) and the other is a parts car "but could be restored." Most likely what you get is two SM-themed packages of random Citröen parts, sort of like taking two jigsaw puzzles, flushing them down the toilet, then fishing all the pieces you can find out of the settling tanks at the local sewage treatment facility and trying to assemble one complete puzzle out of them. But don't despair- just imagine having a finished project that can do this (the driving part, not the domestic violence part):