Jalopnik
It was pretty close, but the Mazda 323 GTX squeaks out a 55/45 victory over the Turbo Geo Metro in yesterday's Choose Your Eternity poll. I've been happy to find some Japanese PCH candidates, of course, but it's become apparent that we've been neglecting one of the primary Project Car Hell superpowers; yes, it's been over two months since we last saw a French PCH candidate, and that's just plain wrong!
Maybe the first thing you should consider for a potential Project Car Hell candidate is its HJIYC score. Weighing in with a respectable 120 points is this '81 Citröen CX Pallas diesel (go here if the ad disappears), suggested by none other than the Loverman himself and available for just 6,000 frogskins. It would have had more points, only the latitudinally mounted "Euro-trash diesel" cost it 30 points. But don't worry about that; since you'll likely be the owner of the only Citröen diesel in your time zone, the Hell-O-Meter is going to be registering in the red part of the gauge for you... which means you get a bonus 250 Jalopnik Special Hell Project Dispensation Points. The seller of this car claims that everything works but the AC, and that all it needs is some "cosmetic tlc." We know better, of course- this car will have you looking to bust a Dien Bien Phu on France the very first time you pop the hood and stare in bewilderment at the (broken) alien devices lurking there. We recommend converting it to run on straight vegetable oil- hey, it worked for the Canola Rollaz at the 24 Hours of LeMons!
That Pallas is pretty damn cool, all right, but without the 250 bonus points it's still a 120-point car on the HJIYC scale. How would you like to scorch the very flesh off your bones with a genuine, on-its-own-merits 245-pointer? Step right up, my friends, and take a gander at this '78 Lotus Éclat with V8 transplant (go here if the ad disappears)! It's got a Buick (aka Rover) 215 V8 with Edelbrock carb, new exhaust, and other goodies (including a "new interior," though that may actually mean "new to this car"). The engine has been "recently" rebuilt (which reminds me about the time when Zhou Enlai was asked what he thought was the significance of the French Revolution and he responded "It's too early to tell"), and the seller gets an Understatement of the Week Award for his statement "This car requires some small fixes (its a 30 year old british car)." But just think about how much fun this thing would be if you could banish the Prince of Darkness long enough to make it past the end of your driveway (and how much more fun it would be with a big blower sticking out of the hood)! Thanks (and a half-credit towards a Project Car Hell Tipster T-shirt) to BrandonValentine for the tip.
Comments
This is a joke right?
French! Diesel! ...French diesel!
i must throw my lot in for citroen. this despite the fact that i would end up hating them after trying to keep this car alive. the cx has that bizzarro one spoke steering wheel, yes?
The CX all day! Diesel will save gas, Its weird as hell and I won't have a perrenial oil leak spot like I would with any British car
SVO conversion to the Citroen to become a French Fryer FTW.
There's nothing like starting your car and have it rise off the ground as the pneumatic suspension charges. Go Freedom Fry oil- burner!
@EricMerrill: PSA supposedly make good diesels these days. I don't know though, I've never driven a diesel - I feel dirty enough after being a passenger in one.
This is a tough one. I mean it is Project Car HELL, so a french car with oddly shaped parts and whatnot, or a British sports car with dubious reliability and surely a shitload of electrical and powertrain issues? But in the end, British cars are proper cars, so French it is.
French+diesel. Sorry lads, the Frenchie will send us all to hell, and steal countless hours of our free time.
I can't decide. The French Fryer is pretty awesome, especially if a 60's era front clip and tail lights would swap onto it. But the Lotus is a Lotus, and it's got a motor that might be able to run, keeping the dream alive.
My uncle had a CX Diesel and I remember that there was a red light on the dash there to "warn" you in case the engine stalled.
On the other hand it was surprisingly torquey.
& If anyone buys this car I will help them get parts.
I passed on buying a Citroen H van diesel because it was missing a motor and the odds of finding the right one were slim. The other day on Craigslist there's a Peugeot 504 Diesel 10 miles from my house and it would fit the H.
I could be wrong, but I believe the CX shared a Peugeot motor as well. While still rare, that cuts back on the hell factor.
On second thought, the CX has the Grace Jones factor.
[www.youtube.com]
I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, want to drive down to Portland right this minute and test drive that Citroen diesel.
I have a little over $6000 in my checking account as of depositing my paycheck this morning and I am now in Hell. Seriously, if this car was just about any other color, I'd be looking at a probable future divorce.
Thanks, Jonny. Thanks, Murilee.
Citroen all the way... I live for highly pressurized hydropneumatic rervoir balls waiting to explode and kill me if I misstep during renovation and servicing.
PS to Murilee "6,000 frogskins..." Too funny!
@lascauxcaveman: aww c'mon, just do it.
then you can let us all live through your hell vicariously.
Mais oui pour la Citroen! Where in the US are you gonna get it fixed except in major cities? Bonus points for a daring Jalop from the heartland who jumps on it.
@amblito: One of my friends is having major issues with his C3 HDi. He had a problem at cold temeratures where the engine wouldn't rev any higher than 2000rpm. The diesel fuel was freezing despite the fact it was a reasonable -7C (19F)...
I'm surprised that the diesel four-door is beating a V8 sportscar. Maybe it's just the fear of old British cars that is scaring people away?
well its a french car with a suspension system that is just asking for murphy to attack. Its french so when something goes wrong well.....
@FLB: did he use winter diesel? or did he add some regular gas?
Gotta go with the vertical red, white, and blue over the crossed red, white, and blue on this one. The Lotus, it'll put you through some hard times. That's where you apply Colin Chapman's mantra of adding lightness, and rip everything causing you problems. That'll basically leave you with that V8, which is little to no hell (being the UK's SBC, and I'm sure given it's many years of Land Rover use, something you could fix on any continent). The Citroen, it's pure, quirky, delicious hydropneumatic hell.
@discontinuuity: I think it's the fear of old French cars that is scaring people into voting. This is PCH after all...
Oh, there was one of those CX's for sale here in Portland just last weekend, supposedly w/o any problems, for like 5 grand. I wish i had more than $10.
Hmm, lets see...
French car with very questionable reliability or british car,FROM THE 70s
You do remember the 70s right.
Reason enough to say
Vive La Differance! (Mange merde et mort Lotus!)
Wait, that was the same one.
I actually owned a CX, but a gas one, not a diesel when I lived in England. Probably the weirdest car I have ever owned and I've owned a bunch. Not sure what was stranger, the rolling ball speedometer or the brake pedal that is only connected to a pressure switch. When you push on the brake pedal, it doesn't really move like pushing fluid through a master cylinder, it simply activates a pressure switch that activates the hydro-system brakes. It was sensitive to the amount of pressure you applied but the pedal just never moved.
And no power steering for the big boat even with all the hydraulics on board. Only the estates had power steering even though everything else was the same.
Its gotta be the frenchie today.
Funky Citroen > Funky Lotus
Yes, I remember the 70s. I also voted Eclat, because in the 70s my favourite Matchbox car was a purple Eclat with orange interior.
love that Citroen. As a kid I have been travelling in 3 different ones. All diesel, the last one the fantastic Turbo Diesel 2. They were all great cars, and the later models were very reliable, unlike the early ones or the car that replaced the CX, the XM.... which was an electronic nightmare.
I remember driving on an early christmas morning from our hotel near Grenoble, France, to the ski resort Mégève when we encountered a completely frozen road.. with a curb and downgrade... we knew we were not going to make that corner and would end up against the brick wall... don't ask me why, but we were in a very good mood and we were just laughing all way against that wall.
The damage was not to bad, but the battery had moved backwards and had broken a part of the hydraulic system, so no suspension, no brakes and no Diravi steering...
Finding a garage open on christmas morning was going to be difficult, but in the small village where the accident happened, the owner of the local citroen garage, left his christmas breakfast, drove 70km to a colleague citroen dealer, took the part of the hydraulic system of a showroom car, drove back, installed it and the car was running again... He refused to take any money.
My father brought him a dozen bottles of good wine next year.
Sheesh Murilee, could ya make it much harder?
Normally, I would see "French Diesel" and consider er done. But, you gotta offer it up with a feckin ROtus with a Rover V-8?
Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot?!
I am going wid da feckin fiberglass Brit screwball. I mean, how can ya get any closer to Beelzebub eh?
I love me some British car, and I love me some engine swap. Make mine an Eclat.
Now if the competition were a Peugeot 404 Camino with a Cummins, things might be different...
@lascauxcaveman: Is that a daily, weekly, or monthly deposit?
I had to vote CX. The rear wheel covers sealed the deal, but read between the lines and we might have some dealin' to do:
"I hate to sell this, but I have to..."
"I am serious about selling...by this weekend"
"I need cash..."
"...will not entertain lowball offers"
"...need to raise money desperately"
So, does he REALLY want it gone?
@lascauxcaveman: Go offer him 2 bills for it, just to find out which way he's leanin'.
CX is sooo CeXy it's unreal.
Please witness this Grace Jones video for a CX cameo and your coolity dial will spin freely.
The next step would be a CX with FWD V8 conversion.
But that may be slightly too kinky, even for the French.
Most Citroens remind me of giant irradiated insects anyway, so the choice here is easy
So the owner claims that all this fine ride needs is some cosmetic TLC, huh? When I first read that, I thought it said "cosmetic tic" which is probably what you'll end up with when you start digging into this thing.
@sos10: Great story!
@sos10: Winter diesel. 5W-30 oil (I know, because that's the first question I asked...).
It's a toughie but I think the engine transplant could only make the Lotus more reliable so it has to be the Citroen, viv'le France!
The CX is a PCH in itself, just like any Citroen. This one is a CX MK1, which makes it rare, even in France. The Athena was actually the well-equiped version. So, you should expect some odd-looking interior.
When Citroen wanted to built car in China, they bribed the official by giving them CX. So, if you make a trip to China and spot a CX, you know where it comes from...
@sos10: Beautiful.
i hate to say
but the citro would be easy livin on this one...
that rover V-8 sucked so much ass...
i had one in a 71 rover P3500
it was gutless
and guzzled gas...
and that was in good state of tune...
it was sooo... well... Amerikan....
the lotus deserves better...
a cosworth ?
or A-series toyota engine?
sad to say, but the french would be LESS hellish...
@EricMerrill: The French actually make excellent diesels and have done for many years. I drive one myself.
@amblito: That's a poor attitude to have. There's absolutely nothing wrong with diesels. I used to be afraid of them myself, until I drove a nice turbodiesel. They've got stacks of torque, they rev lower, so they're quieter at motorway speeds, they're more robust and they're far more economical.
@sos10: Excellent story!
@Rust-MyEnemy: Funny you should say that; I reckon Citroen should do a deal with Maserati and build a new SM! Imagine a Maserati V8 in a modern coupé based off the C6! They might want to add four-wheel drive though.
The Lotus would be far more hellish, but the Citroen wins this by a country mile simply because it's far cooler and I'd actually want to own it.
@FLB: Try a good aftermarket diesel additive package. An aftermarket package with an effective cold flow improver can lower the cold filter plugging point (CFPP). problems like this usually occur when the temperatures drop and the "winter diesel" wasn't blended for the temperatures that are occuring.
The Delo products are the best ones but probably impossible to find. There are a couple of reputable products available and a lot of really bad products with no active ingredients in them.
@Euromobile: Maybe I've just not been a passenger in a good diesel yet. The extra torque is nice but the cars I've been in always seem to vibrate at low revs - maybe they were poorly built (Peugeot 206 and Ford Focus were the last 2 diesels I've been in) or the drivers were crap. I don't like the sound of a diesel engine. Being stuck behind poorly maintained, smelly old diesels is never pleasant - badly maintained petrol cars might smell bad but the diesel smell makes me want to vomit.
I would just like to ask, where is effing Bruges? Is it in effing Belgium?
I voted Lotus. Not just because I want it, BADLY, but because it has the aluminum Buick motor. With all the Buick hatred around here lately, I think it's fitting.
@amblito: They can vibrate a bit at idle, that is a downside. The 206 is fitted with a good engine, but the car itself is a bit flimsy, so it's not a great example. The Focus should be pretty decent, but apparently it depends on the particular engine. A salesman once told me that the 1.8 diesel was smoother than the 1.6 or 2.0.
I don't find the smell of diesel particularly offensive, but I do hate being behind a knackered old diesel that's belching black smoke, oil and unburnt fuel out the back. It turns your windscreen into something resembling the Exxon Valdez disaster.
@TX_law: "This is for all my homies in Bruges". Yes, it's in frickin' Belgium.
WHat kind of a dragon would want a diesel...oil-burner....oh, never mind.
@Euromobile: Oh, god yes. SM for the 21st century. Failing that, with (considerable) jiggery pokery, there must be a way to get a used 3200GT Twin-turbo V8 plumbed in somehow....
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