"Honey, I am telling you the doctor said it is the size of a frickin' grapefruit!"

"Just smile for the damn photo please... we can talk about this later"

"I know you dislike this dear, but keep smiling. The commoners do this at sporting events so we want to look like we fit in."

"But Ricky, there isn't an on call waiter to take care of us."

"I know honey, but how the hell else are we going to sell more cars than Toyota again?"

"I'm really glad the 2" ball on this truck was warmed up before I sat down"

"People haven't been this surprised by a black tie since Tiger Woods won the PGA championship!"

crickets

GM displays yet another outdated, poorly performing model with a bowtie on it.

Is he sitting in the back of an Acadia or a Mazda CX-9? Damn they look alike.

"I hope none of the perople that work for me, will see this on Jalopnik. Because if they make fun of me, or make up a caption, they are soo fired!"

"Sir, your leg is blocking the truck nutz."

"The name's Bond. James Bond."

RW thinking to himself: "Oh Christ, here comes Sandy! Please don't let her see me. Please Jesus, don't let her see me. My wife's gonna kill me. Please don't let her see me..."

"Hey honey, as soon as they stop taking our picture we should fold these seats down and go at it like rabbits!"

*People*....My bad....

She said it's too small in here for Wang but I told her the Chairman is a fairly small person.

You know, we have a son named Trip, but our nickname for him is 'Fleetwood.' Wanna guess why?

@LTDScott: Comedy gold!

@LTDScott: FTW

"The Fonz and Pinky Tuscidaro shop for a vehicle big enough to do "The Mallachi Crunch" in.

Dan Neil and his wife should test out these new Lambdas. The interior of the old Expedition has nothing on this thing.

Gosh Rick, the chairs at the Toyota booth were so much more comfortable...

"Just think hon, soon we can do this in a G8 wagon."
"What's a G8?"

Mr. Wagoner, I work in accounting, you can take your hand off my ass now...

"Cheese! Ok, can we go look at the Audi already?"

Rick Wagoner faces unscripted questions about his possible demotion to Rick Cooper, Rick Fletcher, after failing to demonstrate success in vehicle construction.

Mr. Wagoner, I work in the legal department, you can take your f@#king hand off my ass now...

Dapper in a notch lapel dinner jacket? Hardly... dapper would be in a peak or shawl lapel DJ.

God Rick, I'm so tired of coming to these things, wheres the bar?

You promised me I'd get to meet Tiger Woods...

R: So, wanna go back to my place after this?
Wife: I'm you're wife, Rick!
R: uh, I mean, I know!

As you can see by these two unfortunate patients, holding a smile too long can permanently damage your cheek muscles. Thankfully, they found an adequate donor soon after and were spared a life of frowning.

move your hand!

That eharmony site is a load of crap, look at this loser they hooked me up with...

@LTDScott: I don't know if I'd call a Lambda "outdated".

Fred Garman Male prostitute

In this photo taken moments before the shooting, Mrs Wagoner can be seen walking toward the back of said vehicle.

God Rick, did you just fart?

"Wait...Are we in a Volvo or a GM brand...Damn, I shoulda checked. While I'm at it, I shoulda just bought Jeep when the Germans offered it so the caption could read "Wagoners in a Wagoneer"."

Why is he smiling?

See Rick has been taking Enzyte and now the Mrs is keeping a happy garage at home

see your doctor to see if Enzyte and a ZR1 is right for you

*may cause uncontrollable hoonage

"Damn my walleye...Where's the frikin' camera?"

stop smiling rick. the photographer is only 17

fast forward 20 years Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes...

Just smile sweety, someone just kicked me in the truck nutz and I gotta sit for a minute.

Yes dear, I promise Tiger Woods is waiting in our room upstairs...

You know dear, we still have time to catch the "Windsor Ballet"

(Anybody whos ever been to Detroit knows where thats at)

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Mrs: Okay, already! How long is it going to take for your glorious OnStar roadside people to show up this time?

Mr: But Honey, this isn't our car, we're at the auto show, ...remember?

Mrs: Sorry, I'm just so used to being stuck at the side of the road in one of these heaps!

Mr: Yes, Dear! I know Dear!

@LTDScott: Good one.

Can we go to the Ford booth? That Toby Keith is hot..

"I know we're a bit late to this Crossover party. Let's smile really hard, maybe they'll let us in."

"The worst part about this job is that we have to drive a damn Caddy now."

"Do these brake lights make my ass look fat?"

"Hon, I'm not letting you pee in this pet bottle in front of all these nice people today!"

@LTDScott: nice one

"Rick......if you'll kindly remove your thumb from my you-know where, my smile will be much more convincing."

Rick demonstrates how GMC can bring smiles even to a loveless, sexless, unrepairably broken marriage.

"Honey, I think they're onto us. I don't know how, but they musta found Wagoner's body already. Just act natural, and on the count of three, run like hell for the exit. Ready? 1....2...."

".....psssst! hey Kathy....not to alarm you, but any moment now, my two slightly-heavy-but-sexually-adventurous college friends Elaine and Barbara are due to arrive, and they claim they're going to show us a REAL tailgate party......what do you think they mean?"

Rick Wagoner takes time away from his busy schedule for a photo opp with Conan O'Brien

That idiot from China ran over my foot....

@JHJVJR: It's also not a Chevy... but it's a joke, dammit.

"Oh Rick, this reminds me of our first date. You in a tux and me sitting on your hand while my father took a picture of us."

Screw that pic, i want to know what is going on here:
"So how do you like your eggs in the morning, scrambled or fertilized?"

@LTDScott: Got it on the second read. Sorry.

Vehicle: Do these jerks make my ass look fat?
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Vehicle: Great, I don't have truck nuts but I have two ass*****.
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Woman: Honey, the Vallum's starting to wear off. I can't feel my face muscles anymore.
Man: That's ok, I filled the water bottle with Vodka.

@Dr.Danger: yes, let's do that photo!

In this, their last photographed carefree moment, the Wagoners were completely unaware that the buffet-bound stampede of hungry market analysts was about to bear down on them.

"Honey, the seat's not really that comfortable. And where's the steering wheel?"

Oh, it's a Cheap Wagoner.

Two Injured When Swollen Ego Ejects Them from Cargo Area.