Jalopnik
It doesn't take much to set off our laugh-o-meter after the weekend whipping we took, but today's comment of the day was truly a golden moment in cross pollination of media. Matt's over active attention to detail once again landed observational humor Steven Wright would die for in todays post on the Excel-like nature of the dash on the Fisker Karma. Beloved commenter ASH78 reached into the wayback machine and said:
I dub this vehicle "Tron Popeil"Really, we don't even know what that means, but "Tron Popeil", that's at least as genius as any pocket sized fishing rod.
Comments
that rates about a 8/10 in my obscure reference-o-meter
that picture is awesome...
Matt and ASH78 must be pulling hits from the same hash bowl. I know who Ron Popeil is, and I know what Tron is, and I know what the Karma's bar-graphs are, but as for the hilarity... Oh hell, just pass me the pipe, boys... I obviously need another hit...!
When I was in design school someone wrote "Ron Popeil is God of design" on a blackboard in one of the studios. I still chuckle when I think of that.
I actually met a meth head woman who insisted Ron Popiel was her uncle. Kept calling him uncle Ronnie. Owed her 2 million dollars and apparently sent her into financial ruin.
She also said she owned a Bentley, despite the fact that she rolled around in a clapped out Caprice.
You know, you can remove people like ASH78 and me from the Jalopnik, but we helped create it. And our spirit remains in every post we comment for this website.
@POLAR: And he's had COTD, like, 17 times... that's nearly as often as you!
I'd fit that throne with an intruder alarm.
@POLAR: Yo dude! I haven't gotten a single rise out of anyone about my posting that the BYD exec was MY choice of favorite "Booth Babe"... Oh how I missed you, knowing you'd have something clever and risqué to take me to task over...!
I'm lost....
@POLAR: You're begging the question: CAN you be removed from Jalopnik? (I think not. Not by anyone with a soul, at any rate.)
@Charles_Barrett: Really? Ohh, Charlie you can do waaay better than him. He's still wet behind the ears. Derek D, now he's a real man...
@Rust-MyEnemy & Charles_Barrett: The ability to be awarded COTD seems to be a tough bit of business these days. I see so many worthy comments each day from great Jalop "Personalities" such as yourselves, Novaload, TexanIdiot, SKAZ, RoninianHoon, FLB, FatBraff, Lost_in_the_valley, ASH78... the list goes on and on. It must be a great hardship to have to pick just one! I feel some days as though my COTD skills are wavering, but I take such great enjoyment in reading the pure gold poured out on this website by the likes of you guys. It's comforting enough to know that I can hang with the best.
Oh, and Charles... you go get that
Big
Young
Dick
brother!
@POLAR: Yeah... I used to be great
I've been shit lately... But I'll be back...
(girl troubles...)
@Rust-MyEnemy: WEll....
To the tune of One night in Bangkok
One night with Charles and the world's your oyster
The girls are topless but they're all Lesbees
You'll find a rod in Charles' golden cloister
And I'm sure the rod will drive you back to she
I can just see Charles chasing you up a tree.
@POLAR: Thanks, doll! As for COTD, I try NOT to try too hard, 'cause when I do, I sound foolish when I reread it the next morning over coffee. Besides, we have genuine car-issues/memories to discuss and reminisce over, like Murilee's DOTS and PCH, and Jonny's JFG, and new car reviews, autoshows, etc. COTD is a small dollop of frosting on a VERY large and flavorful cake...!
@Rust-MyEnemy: Oh no you didn't say that..... Derek D? Ugh. I found him irritating, obnoxious, and a grown up Frat Boy, who really needs to grow up a little more.... I hope you were kidding!
@POLAR: That brought tears to my eyes.... Tears of pain, probably,
There was a young man called POLAR
Who had too much drugs in his COLA(r)
He wrote poems all day
About Charles being gay
Although secretly the concept really intrigues him.
Or Better Words
Derek D just needs a good ol' kick in the balls.
@POLAR: Saweet.. I'm on Polar's list.
@skaz:
Bentley? Caprice? They do kinda look the same with enough drugs.
@UDMAN: Oh, God no..... Don't panic!
My Honest Opinion on Sir Derek:
@Charles_Barrett: "dollop of frosting on a VERY large and flavorful cake"
Somebody's got the munchies...
@Rust-MyEnemy: POLAR does it to indulge me, as I am a media-whore and I get a thrill being referenced in public media (the same reason I write reviews for porn DVDs for online retailers: the thrill of being "published", as it were). He's my good Jalop buddy (as are most all Jalops), so don't knock him. He can serve as a sounding board, and elicit clever quips that might not otherwise emerge.
@Charles_Barrett: I was gona say something about arse kissing or comment flirting... but I got nothing...(still at work)
@RoninianHoon: Nevermind... "two guys one comment"
@RoninianHoon: Nope. Just a disposition to overlarge superlatives (I'm on gin at the moment, which tends to make me giddy on the interwebs and talk naughty... sometimes it's my best work...)
@Charles_Barrett: Oh, crikey, I'd not dream of knocking him. I consider the young Polar bear, and your good self close allies. I think we may all need another beer....
It's like MSN, one poorly emphasised sentence can start a war. I'm crap on MSN too...
@Rust-MyEnemy: Actually, every time I read your posts, I hear this British accent in my head and let me tell ya, strange things happen...
@TexanIdiot25: I would love to slap(tea bag him) with a large pair of truck nuts. Perhapes we could barrow "Mr. Wang Chaunfu's?"
I've achieved "Beloved Commenter" status? Sweet!!
Incidentally, any chance I can have some kind of special award for being dedicated / tragic enough to still be writing comments on here at 1:50AM GMT?
@Charles_Barrett: @POLAR: Sorry my eyes are mad at me from yesterday, so are my truck nuts...
@POLAR: Care for some Grey Poupon? Dang and blast it, gor-blimey guvnor, Apples and pears, Worcestershire Sauce?
Seriously, American / Canadian accents are sooo much better than English ones (Except Brooklyn, of course)
@Rust-MyEnemy: Don't feel bad. I'm often on here after midnight myself (don't get off work till then). I often find myself doing some of my best work at 3am...
@Rust-MyEnemy: Poorly phrased on my part... I did NOT feel that you were knocking him in any but the most gentle and playful way. And yes, you are a close ally and Jalop friend...!
@RoninianHoon: Dunno about wang, but my math teacher is Mr. Wong.
I was really tempted if he had a family member named Sandy.
@Charles_Barrett: You know, some times just being here makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.... I genuinely do heart Jalopnik.
Don't tell anyone, though.... Our secret.
@Charles_Barrett: @TexanIdiot25: @Rust-MyEnemy: @RoninianHoon: @UDMAN: @skaz:
You guys are the bestest, so I broke out one of my favs for you...
Oh, dear, what can the matter be,
Seven Jalopniks got stuck in the lavatory;
They were there from Sunday till Saturday,
Nobody knew they were there.
The first Jalopnik was ol' Dr. Danger,
He came in to fix up a broken suspender,
That somehow got caught around his masculine gender,
But nobody knew he was there.
Oh, dear, what can the matter be,
Seven Jalopniks got stuck in the lavatory;
They were there from Sunday till Saturday,
Nobody knew they were there.
The next to come in was an Idiot Tex'n,
Sure he only came in for a personal whim.
But he got his dick caught between the bowl and the brim,
And nobody knew he was there.
Oh, dear, what can the matter be,
Seven Jalopniks got stuck in the lavatory;
They were there from Sunday till Saturday,
Nobody knew they were there.
The next Jalopnik was Rust-My Enemy, England's savior,
He looked 'round the room, there was no toilet paper;
All he could find was a brick layer's scraper,
Covered all over with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and....
Oh, dear, what can the matter be,
Seven Jalopniks got stuck in the lavatory;
They were there from Sunday till Saturday,
Nobody knew they were there.
The next Jalopnik was NovaLoad, all fit and trim,
He sat on the handle and he thought someone goosed him.
He said, Oh, my God! This don't feel like it used to,
But nobody knew he was there.
Oh, dear, what can the matter be,
Seven Jalopniks got stuck in the lavatory;
They were there from Sunday till Saturday,
Nobody knew they were there.
The fifth Jalopnik was the man known as FLB,
He sat on the toilet and made him self comfy;
When he tried to get up he couldn't get his bum free,
And nobody knew he was there.
Oh, dear, what can the matter be,
Seven Jalopniks got stuck in the lavatory;
They were there from Sunday till Saturday,
Nobody knew they were there.
The sixth Jalopnik was old Charles Barrett,
He shoved in a quarter to the bathroom he started;
What a waste of a quarter 'cause he only farted,
And nobody knew he was there.
Oh, dear, what can the matter be,
Seven Jalopniks got stuck in the lavatory;
They were there from Sunday till Saturday,
Nobody knew they were there.
The last Jalopnik was Skaz the amazin',
The toilet was full so he used the basin,
And that was the water that UDMan washed his face in,
'Cause he didn't know he was there.
Oh, dear, what can the matter be,
Seven Jalopniks got stuck in the lavatory;
They were there from Sunday till Saturday,
Nobody knew they were there.
They were there from Sunday till Saturday,
Nobody knew they were there.
I fight for my user.
@Rust-MyEnemy: You are a trooper brother!!
@POLAR: I know, I know its hard to rhyme RoninianHoon...
@Rust-MyEnemy: Are you serious!
From an Arizona-born, SoCal-raised 44-yr. old, my order of English accent-ranking would be:
1. Aussie
2. U.K. (London/BBC presenter)
3. U.K. (Manchester/Northern parts)
4. Ireland
5. Canadian
6. United States
For whatever reason, Aussie accents are so sexualized in the U.S., they practically unbuckle pants (gay or straight) all by themselves. The U.K. has so many regional accents I cannot rank them more than above (Liverpool never did much for me, Beatles or not...) I'll learn more as I continue to watch BBC America on cable TV.
@POLAR: This one is obviously going to be on your "Best of POLAR" compilation CD from K-Tel, not available in stores, and if you order within the next 10 minutes, you'll receive a Ron Popeil 'Pocket Fisherman' at NO EXTRA CHARGE (plus S&H). But wait, there's more...
Well, with the sound of nursery rhymes reverberating around my head, I'm off to bed. Keep the forum warm, guys... But first a joke:
Jalop, once killed a man,
Kept him up 'til way past one,
He found typing words was fun,
All this....typing must be done,
Even though it's blown me ri-ight away...
Jalop, ooo,
Though I bet you wonder why-
I should bother coming back this time tomorrow-
Carry on,carry on,as if nothing's any different.
Night, folks.