I picked up the Cyber Barge— aka my very own for a week Lexus LS600h L — in Gardena, CA near Redondo Beach. It was about 1:30 pm. I had to be home by 5:00 pm because I am the only person in my circle of friends with the NFL Network and you of course remember how big the Dallas/Green Bay game was. But that left me several hours to kill. Since I was in the neighborhood, I popped on over to the Hustler Casino to try my luck at a little $100-$300 No Limit Hold 'Em.. What else do you do with a $117,000 ride that's quite seriously the most technically advanced car in the world? After a few folds I called from the BB with an A5 off suit and tried to hide my glee as the flop came 234. "Check," I said. Walking out with a nicely fattened wallet there was my new toy, valet parked up front with the rest of the high rollers — Range Rovers, Maseratis and Benzes, Benzes, Benzes. The Cyber Barge did not look out of place. Top of the world ma. After a comfortable, AC-seated hour of Los Angeles' best bumper-to-bumper traffic (where I averaged 20.2 mpg) and filling the teeny, battery-consumed trunk up with beer, I was home in time for the game. My perfect day was nearly complete. That's when I realized that I left the house keys in my WRX.
At 5:20 pm there I am, watching as David Lovering attempted to cut the padlock off my garage door with his Sawzall. Meanwhile, our buddy Luis, a big Cowboys fan, is shaking his head in disgust. I am truly a moron. And the Sawzall ain't doing nuthin'. What would Batman do? To the Cyber Barge! Why not right? The back seat will easily and comfortably sit three grown men. We could watch the game on the fold down screen. Perfect! But that would be too much like a Lexus commercial to actually happen. Not only does the LS600h L not have the NFL Network, but OEMs hate it when you smoke in press cars. So, for the next hour the three of us were standing in the street next to the Cyber Barge, all of its windows down, sunroof open and blasting the 10 billion watt Mark Levinson Reference system for all it's worth. As Luis commented, "Best sounding AM I've ever heard." Indeed.
Absurd. I've wracked and re-wracked by brain concerning how to best explain the world's biggest and most expensive hybrid. You all have Google, and therefore you all have the ability to read that the LS600h L has the power of a V12 (438 hp, exactly the same as a BMW 760Li in fact) but the economy of a V8 (about 20 mpg, all said and done). You'll have no trouble finding all the reviews filled with four-hour long fake-rage erections screaming, "But, but, it's not really saving the environment! Lexus just built it to appease Al Gore!" And of course the internet nearly suffered a breakdown when the reports started flowing in that, "The auto parallel parking feature doesn't work very well... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!" But they've all missing the point. The Lexus LS600h L is joyfully, wonderfully absurd.