First we told you that Clarkson was dead, then that Hamster would never drive or think again because of his severe brain injuries, and finally that BBC would cancel Top Gear. So now, based on only the worst possible source (Jeremy himself), we are telling you that Captain Slow may in fact be a homosexual. And married. Watch amongst yourselves.

Related:
Future Classic Top Gear: Captain Slow Goes 407.4 Kilometers Per Hour! [Internal]