Carlos Ghosn Addresses His "Performance Crisis" While HQ Staff Go Bonus Bonkers

The Japanese side of the cross-global partnership announced today their profits took a bit of a hit during the fourth quarter. Ok, that's an understatement, in reality it was a 22.6% slide. In response, CEO Carlos Ghosn told reporters in Tokyo on a conference call from Paris, "We have today a performance crisis and we need to fix it as soon as possible." We've only got to ask the normally virile doubled-up CEO superhero one question — Levitra, Cialis or Viagra?

But unfortunately for the superhero CEO, we're not the only ones with a question. Apparently the folks at the still bright, shiny and new Nashville HQ (yes, that's the same one that experienced some network "performance issues" yesterday) have some questions of their own regarding bonuses. We'll let our anonymous source detail the issue for you:

"Here's a good one. We all got called in to confidential lunch meetings today to be told that after 6 straight years of record profits, and a $4 billion profit this year, there will be no employee bonuses for FY2006. The bonuses, based on hitting ever-escalating profit objectives, comprised a substantial part of our income..."
"...for those past 6 years in this sweatshop. Granted, we should still be happy we have jobs, I know. But really. Did anyone really believe that by not making salary cuts in the move to Tennessee from California, Carlos was not going to get his pound of flesh elsewhere? We're told that executives will not be getting bonuses either, but that's probably about as true as the time monkies flew out my ass."
Uh-oh, Carlos. – Ray Wert

Nissan has a 'performance crisis': Ghosn [globeandmail.com]

Related:
Go Figure: Carlos Ghosn Has A Hot Daughter; Ghosn Don't Need No More Stinking Alliances! Nissan Quarterly Profit Up 31% [internal]