If Automakers Still Made Celebrity Endorsed 'Signature Series' CarsS

Who remembers the Jack Nicklaus Signature Series Lincoln Town Car? Or maybe the Oleg Cassini AMC Matador? They're both members of the elite club of Signature Series cars — cars tailor-made to the exacting ideals of certain exceptional individuals. And I have some ideas.

I should clarify: I have some terrible ideas. There's something about this strangely personal class of car that makes me want to see some really perverse match-ups. I mean, Jack Nicklaus I guess made sense for the golf-watching geriatric Town Car buying crowd, but Oleg Cassini always struck me as odd. Which got me thinking. I wonder what the most wrong Signature Series vehicles might be?

I came up with five proposed new Signature Series vehicles, and I'm trying for that special mix of not-quite-enough star power, just the right vehicle to be the right level of wrong. It's tricky, but I think I have some that could work.

Anyway, to automakers and celebrities — feel free to start negotiations immediately.

If Automakers Still Made Celebrity Endorsed 'Signature Series' CarsS

Oliver Platt Signature Series Veloster: Non-Turbo engine (but grille from Turbo), special corduroy upholstery, signature decals on dash and tailgate.

If Automakers Still Made Celebrity Endorsed 'Signature Series' CarsS

Dianne Weist Signature Series Wrangler: Full off-road prepped with skid plates, reinforced suspension parts, and aggressive tires. "Go Weist" decals on hood and embroidered in neoprene seat covers. Also includes Diane Weist-autographed hunting knife in special dash holder.

If Automakers Still Made Celebrity Endorsed 'Signature Series' CarsS

Malcom Gladwell Signature Series Cube: Signature decals on dash and rear bumper; also includes every Malcom Gladwell audiobook on special USB flash drive hard-wired into the audio system.

If Automakers Still Made Celebrity Endorsed 'Signature Series' CarsS

William H. Macy Signature Series Raptor: Includes William H Macy custom door graphics, improved intake manifold to bring 6.2L V8 to 625 HP, and denim seat inserts. Full DVD Bill Macy Filmography included in specially-designed steel toolbox in truck bed.

If Automakers Still Made Celebrity Endorsed 'Signature Series' CarsS

Marina_Abramović Signature Series ForTwo: Interior upholstery includes fragments of dresses worn during The Artist Is Present performances, speedometer graphic includes image of Abromovic staring at driver.