Just Buy a Honda and Get it Over With: A Jalopnik Lovefest

Someday, we've decided, we will own a certain car. We'll not mention the model, because every time we think, "Oh word! A cool car we could actually own!" and write about it, it skyrockets past its real value. We will not take all of the credit for the spike in Trans Am prices in the last year, but we're fairly sure that we're due some of it. And if credit's what matters, we'll take credit, but frankly, we'd rather still be able to not pay what we think is stupid money for vehicles that aren't worth it. When we see (admittedly very clean) Isettas hit nearly 30k, we start to wonder.

And this, friends is why we love Honda. They build appliances. But they're fun appliances. Not boring and annoyingly beige like Toyotas (although besides every 2000GT ever built, our favorite Toyota is Bumbeck's beige Starlet). They're not hit-and-miss like Nissans or often annoyingly cheap-feeling like Mitsubishis. Honda is the Japanese Chrysler if Chrysler never sucked. The CB 750 and the NSX were two of the most revolutionary vehicles of the last century. Sea-change sparkers on the order of the Model T, Mustang and Pontiac GTO. Yes, the company's made missteps (most recently, the ass-end refresh of the Accord, which frankly requires some Pepto to stomach), but by and large, their track record over the last three decades is damn remarkable.

We've made it known that we hate front-drive cars. And we hold to that. Our old Legend's weakest point was the worst turning circle of any car we've ever owned (despite having the shortest wheelbase by a long shot). It torque-steered some. And it was the hardest car to parallel park we've ever owned. Nevertheless, it was rock-solid at 135, and aside from the torque-steer and low-speed handling issues, the thing was a dream.

And here's the thing: any time we get into a Honda, we're like, "Oh, whatevs. A Honda." And then suddenly, we end up thinking, "Oh! A Honda!" Seriously, if you just need transportation, don't care what you car says about you, have no serious particular purpose you need a vehicle for, and even moderately enjoy driving, there's really no other choice. Hondas are truly one of the great bargains of the motoring world. Don't buy a new Kia. Buy a used Honda.

[Note that this piece seriously has nothing to do with the Fit ads that have been running on the site recently. And I feel like since this was such a sort of blowjob piece, I've gotta say that I, Davey G. Johnson, wrote it. And I have actually never driven a Honda press car. I'll also go on to state that although Honda North America is just up the 110 and a short shunt up the 405 from me, I actually have no connections there. I just got a bug up my ass and wanted to say something nice for a change. Now please, Honda, in exchange for that piece of rampant rimjobbery, please, please, please build a rear-drive car that has more than two seats.]

In the end though, Honda is unabashedly weird while incredibly modest. But when they set their minds to something, watch out. They're sorta like Veronica in Heathers. And, y'know, we don't care if she dated Dave Pirner or Tr Cool — we still want a night in Winona.

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