Pictured: You and your friends, enjoying the bus! Photo credit Shutterstock

I have a great job. I get to make videos with a super-talented group of car fanatics. There is, however, one caveat to this job. I have to commute from an outer borough in New York City into Manhattan. This often means taking the subway, which this summer especially, has proven to be a nightmare. But I have something to suggest: when you can, take the bus, for the bus is good.

My commute is 4.6 miles total. If I were to walk, it would take an hour and a half. Biking, 35 minutes. Driving a car myself would take roughly 30 minutes. Walking takes too long, and to be honest, I am afraid of biking in Manhattan (even though I do bike in Queens, and I am pretty sure it is way more dangerous.) That’s leaves two modes of getting to my office everyday. The bus and the subway.

I hate the subway. Full stop.

Now I don’t use the word “hate” very often, as I like to reserve it for special times. Like, “Shit, I really hate that Smash Mouth hasn’t gotten into the Music Hall of Fame yet.” Or, “I hate The Breakfast Club. I can’t stand any of those fuckers.”

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But New York’s subway is so bad right now that Gov. Andrew Cuomo has declared it to be in a state of emergency. The infrastructure, apparently, dates back to the Revolutionary War.

They still have to switch the tracks manually. I mean, seriously?

I would take the bus over this any day of the week.

Another great part of my job is also being able to converse with Fancy Kristen almost daily (if she can pencil me in, of course). One of the first conversations we ever had was regarding the NYC buses. She had never ridden one, ever.

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I was baffled! Why? Why would you never ride the greatest and only working mode of transportation this fair city offers? Is it because only old people and derelicts ride it? Not true! I also ride it. And I am neither an old person, nor derelict. I am a civilized, upstanding citizen, who pays his taxes and has never been convicted of any major felonies.

You see, I find the bus fantastic for these reasons: It is air-conditioned properly, and most of the time empty. Thus you get a seat. Also you don’t have to worry about hipsters or jackasses who bring their bikes on, because the bus driver isn’t having any of that shit.

You might be thinking “Hey Adam, doesn’t the traffic suck in NYC though? Wouldn’t the bus be way slower?” Well, you would be right. The traffic does suck. It sucks so bad the man is thinking of adding even MORE tolls to our already expensive city.

But, I have a question to answer your question. Would you rather spend 45 minutes standing in a cramped, hot and sweaty on a subway car? Possibly having to claw your way out? Or, would you be enjoying the views of Manhattan, knowing you might be a little delayed because of traffic, but sitting in a roomy bus? If you think about it, it’s kind of like a shared limo—just without the mood lighting, and everyone’s as drunk as you were at prom, just during the middle of a weekday. But still!

The bus also has far more routes than the subway. I mean, you can actually get to different parts of Brooklyn from Queens. Also the Q70 from Roosevelt Ave. gets you to LaGuardia airport in like, literally 15 minutes. Can the subway do that? Of course not. And rats will only seek to remind you of the failure of the American Dream. But on the bus, you can look out and see the beautiful city and a brilliant people, rising from this abyss.

All these years, I bet you’ve been looking on your phone to map a subway route, only to abandon the fastest one when you see bus travel is involved.

This is a mistake! Embrace the bus.

So mark my words, friends. While you are all sweating and cursing the horrid subway service, I will be sitting, riding on the golden chariot of the MTA bus line. Joined by my dear friends, the old people and the derelicts.

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