MPH Goes Metal

The mph kids have some interesting musical tastes. Obviously, Wendler, having been in the Necros, has unimpeachable cred. Austin, who graciously put us in his myspace top eight even though he's not in ours (we're so not down with the top eight; we keep ours bone-stock, except that when our pal Wendy committed myspace suicide and then pulled a Lazarus, we put her back in her rightful place), is down with odd mechanical-sounding things. And Merline, well, duh. There's a reason they put him in charge of the rock.

Thomas, though, we haven't quite pegged. He pledges fealty to Fugazi and then admits to having purchased Pearl Jam tickets. Okay, so yeah, we were big on Pearl Jam and Fugazi at the same time. A decade and a half ago. And then he admits to driving around listening to Atreyu. We're basically of the opinion that with the possible exceptions of Mastodon and AFI's Black Sails in the Sunset album, there has been no good metal unleashed upon the world since roughly 1992. Apparently, DT seems to feel the same way, thankfully. But it still begs the question: Dave, why on God's green earth were you listening to Atreyu in the first place while lumbering around in your honkin' SUV test vehicle?

For humor's sake, you should've tried Yanni. For badassness' sake, Mot rhead. For cruisin' for indie-MILF-bait, Iggy/Bowie collaborations. For sheer i-have-come-to-kill-you-ness, Slayer's Reign in Blood. Or just lash a couple of surfboards to the top, slap in Black Flag's The First Four Years, park in front of the Bloomie's on North Michigan Ave. and spark up a doobie while lounging on the hood for sheer incongruity's sake. But fergodssake man, don't subject yourself and those around you to this n -metal badness. No good can come of this.

These Kids Today [mph]

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