Ask Jalopnik! The Road to Hell is Paved With Neon Intentions

This is a real e-mail we received. We are not making this up.

Hi, I was wondering if you installed neon underbody light kits. I just bought a kit for it, and it comes with the materials necessary for installation, so i was wondering if i could bring it in for your professional installation. Also, i would like to know how much it would cost to do so. Also please respond with an e-mail. Thankyou, plaese respond asap. Brian

Our response after the jump.

Dear Brian.
Thank you for taking the time to read and enjoy our site, and thanks so very much for your question! We do not currently, nor do we ever plan to install underbody light kits. In fact, we think they're quite stupid, even by 1994 standards. The one guy we knew in college who had one drove a periwinkle Honda Prelude, wore gold chains, and had a vanity plate that read "SMOOVE". In short, your utter confusion about automotive restyling and accessorizing, as well as your apparent complete bewilderment as to what our blog is about leads us to decline your query. But thanks again for asking!
Love,
The Jalopniks

P.S. Have you ever worried that you might, in fact, be slightly mentally challenged?

Bernie Makes the Dumb List! [Internal]